Forum

Author Message
Apr 29, 2009 2:21 am
I am step-parent, how can I do it rigth!

As a step-parent I have been raising my step-kids an my own kids. I'am from Mexico, I love my kids all. I battle my step-kids mother for eigth years over holidays that hurt deeply everyone. the kids go to their mom every another weekend. I have all the responsibility over them but no fun, that was really hard on me compounding that she is irresponsible and the court always inforce the child support, my husband tried to bless her financially and given away holidays. I almost divorced him, but I had learn that I needed to honor my husband regardless of the circunstances. I had give away my rigth as a wife, step-parent and as a mother to be able to submitt to my husband for God. Well, two years ago my husband ex-wife had a famyly wedding her brother was marrying to a single mom, having three kids about the same age of my step-kids. One of the boys stated to date my step-douther, I was concerned about it, but expresing my concerns just brougth problems in my marriage. Well this extended familly is from Arizona, they went back to it, that was a relief to me. Last somer my step-douther brough me the news that at her mother got a surprise for her. They had move this boy in to their house, she asked me "Are you not happy for me" I said NO, you need to concentrate in your school, you're just sixteen. Expresing my concern thidn't make no diference, but just problems. I said, this is not my responsibity, this is something that you and your ex-wife need to work on, you now know my concerns and know its your decition to make. Seven months ago the mother of the kids called my husband and wanted to have a meetting with me and all the kids includding my own children. I got totally upset and told my husban that I do not have any obligation to her and I need it her to live my children alone, that if he wanted he could have the metting alone but excludding me and my children. He responded "I don't want to talk to her neither, I'm tired of her games" That was settle. It was a saturday and my step-douther and I, were making breadfast, she asked me about the metting. I said to her, we're not going,"what!, why?, this is important," No we're not going I dont have any responsibility over your mother and your dad say that he is tired of her games. She started to cry, and going to the extreme, saying that we needed to know, that she needed to be with other people to be safe, that somebody was going to die. Whose is going to die I asked, "I cannot tell you". Well then it has to be not that important, I reply." My baby is going to die" my fears comedown to me as a ton of bricks. My husband made arregement to have a conversation with this boy, my step-douther mother wanted really to talk and tryed to forced I didn't allowed, for my husband wasn'thard, he is this kind of person that avoid to all cost serious conversations, and this wasn't the exeption. I not involved in this pregnancy at all, I got no problems. I told my step-douther that I will be there for her, just if she wanted me, if not I will be respecting that. She remainded silence, I had added too that I have my own kids and I love her deeply, but being step-parent has caused me too much hurt. She is due in May, her mother has been taking her to the doctor, I didn't wanted to see this women my hurt was onmesure, I started to shake If I heard her voice even. I asked God for forgiveness, I am free. This boy have my step-douther brought-up to him everyday at four in the afternoon and bring it back at six oclock in the morning, I cannot say anything but respect my husband autority. My relationship with my step-kids has been broken some, we still to talk, but I not included myself on anything. I feel peace and I express my opinion that is it far that I go, I not agree for the most part. I do not talk to my church about it,because my marriage had been a drama all along, I don't want no more drama, I want victory! My church started to support those two kids by given a carpool, for the youth group, and also the youth leader give this boy an engagement ring for my step-douther. This boy is seventeen, don't have a job, and don't have a driving licence, my husband don't put any presure on him whatsoever, no serious conversation take place, is there any body can give me a godly perspective, please do, I wanted to do it rigth!

Back to top
Jun 2, 2009 2:17 pm
I am a step-parent, how can I do it right!

It sounds like you have had quite a difficult journey in your marriage and with your step family.
We pray with you for wisdom regarding how to deal with this situation. It is so important that you keep sowing loving words, attitudes and actions into this young girls life. She needs to know unconditional love and support so that she can see Jesus love being modelled through you.
It is obvious that you love her and it is tearing at you to see others decisions having a negative effect on this child's life. It might be very difficult for you to forgive your husband for his lack of action, or the girl's mother for her encouragement of this ungodly relationship but that is the place you need to start. Forgiveness is needed not just when people deserve it but we need to forgive in the same way that Jesus forgave us.
Ask God for a supernatural love for this child, that you will be able to see her the way that God sees her.
It is important to give her time to talk, listening to her will build your relationship. Don't jump in with advice, first listen to her heart.
Please keep in touch whether you need more advice or more prayer support.
Blessings

Back to top