A Marriage Renewed

From the wife ...

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. The past 5 years have been most painful and trying for us, from the joy of becoming parents to losing our 3 children through miscarriage and early infant death.

It really tore us apart instead of drawing us closer. I was very depressed and angry with the people around me, especially my husband and his family. The accusations were overwhelming to the point of bitterness. I was desperately praying for a breakthrough and our God is indeed a merciful God. He answered my prayers through MFL. We attended this course with a lot of baggage and hurts. One of the lessons that struck me was the lesson on "forgiveness".

In Matt. 6:14-15 and 18:23-35, God had specifically said that as we forgive, we are forgiven, and unforgiveness holds us in bondage. There is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive. Unforgiveness hinders our walk with God; forgiveness is an act of the will, not a feeling.

I was really struggling with this idea of reconciling with my in-laws after the death of my 4th child. It had been over a year since my last conversation with them and praise God, victory came and I finally paid them a visit recently. I will continue to claim the verse from Eph. 4:31-32; to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgive each other just as Christ had forgiven me. To God be the Glory!


From the Husband -

Though we were married for 10 years, our life had been a struggle after my wife suffered her first miscarriage. We found out later that she had twins. As I was not brought up in a manner that can overcome such grief, I was not able to console her. This brought misunderstanding and strife.

Though I did not express outwardly, I was grieving inwardly over the loss of our twins and later our 4th child through early infant death. Somehow this brought further hurt to my wife, as I was not able to give her the support which she needed most.

To make matters worse, my family was not aware that they had a major role in causing the strife between us. Thinking that by not talking about it or confronting things with my family, the problem will go away. On top of this, the demand from work required me to travel often. I tried to escape, thinking that time will heal. But unfortunately this was just the tip of the iceberg - our relationship got worse, we were so strained that we came to the point of calling it quits.

Deep within, I can feel our God is a merciful God, though our relationship seemed to be heading nowhere. We were sustaining only because of our only living son, Nathanael. I am thankful that we were introduced to the Married for Life course. At first I was rather apprehensive about our sharing and the commitment of 14 weeks! I had wanted to give up due to my work schedule. Somehow God had His plan for us to restore our broken marriage.

Initially, we had a slow start and I was rather reserved in my sharing, but as time progressed I was able to relate. The lesson on Roles really spoke to me. The lesson talks about the Role of Jesus and the Church and the Role of Husband and Wife. What really hit me was did I play the role of a husband which God had designed in the first place? Our family was falling apart because we have switched roles and I have failed to fulfill my role.

Friends, if I were to continue, it will take an hour. One thing for sure is that through this MFL course, we are now more transparent with each other and through the invitation of the Holy Spirit we acknowledge that God is molding and changing us for the good of our next generation. I want to claim Jer. 32:39, God will give us one heart and one way, so that we will fear God for the good of us and for our children after us. To God be the Glory!