Couples Stories



Frank and Wendy Van Der Hulst

. . seemed to be on a different way of thinking . . . found one special key


Introducing Frank

I was born a 24 August 1959 and was raised a Catholic.
As a family we were church goers most Sundays, and for a few years, I went to a Catholic school.
Being raised a catholic we were taught right from wrong, for which I gave my parents full credit.
Coming this background I new that there was a God but I had little interest in following in His ways.
To me going to church was a time waster, but was a place to go to meet people. My views changed when I met up with Wendy for the second time and we started to see each other.
I gave my heart to God not long after that and as an engaged couple started to go to church.
It wasn't until we were married that having a life with God and Wendy took on a whole new meaning.

When I gave myself to Wendy on the 25th April 1998 I had no idea that we became 'one flesh' as a married couple. Soon into our marriage I seemed to be have a different way of thinking to Wendy. Some months later we we joined a Married for Life course. Through the course I found one special key to working together as 'one flesh' and that is unconditional love, as God had designed us to be like Adam and Eve, before the fall.
When you live so long as a single person you automatically become hard in your way of thinking and emotional feelings for other people in your life. You don't have the understanding of the 'one flesh marriage', where two people bond together, it becomes a lot harder to share a happy relationship in your marriage for life.
Wendy always feels from her heart, and I find it difficult at times coming from the family background where my father was always working hard and had little time for the family. It was hard on my mother over the years and it brought my parents marriage to an end. My mother, Corrie, passed away just last year and was still feeling for her husband that she had always loved deep down.
I can see now the loss of not being in a 'one flesh marriage'. God had designed us to be husband and wife, and to life in a 'one flesh marriage' of love.
For my sweetheart, I will always try to in a one flesh marriage and love you as my wife. God Bless.

Introducing Wendy

When Jim and Sandra asked us to give our testimonies, I thought, "wow where do I begin." Well there is only one place to begin and that is at the beginning.
I was born the youngest of four girls and not a boy. My father was unhappy with that and rejected me. I learnt quickly that if you are good then you won't wear his anger. It was easy to be good and Sunday school was most favourite place in the world. That was until I was older when I started smoking dope. At seventeen, I was into heroin and an addict for the next seventeen years.
I had Ben when I was nearly 30 and I started to live for Jesus when I was 34. i met frank and got engaged when I was 40 and married last year at 41, but the roller coaster ride did not stop there.
Marriage was a whole new ball game and not long into it we needed lots of help. Finally we started a M.M.I. course and this is my outreach night testimony. . .

I would like to speak briefly on three topics.


The first is is on covenant

I was never going to get married as divorce seemed to be rampant, not only in my immediate family but going back generationally too. So when I accepted Frank's proposal of marriage, it was not done lightly. To me marriage was for life.
In three days we will have been married for 19 months and for the first 14 months, it looked like we were just going to be sadly, another family statistic.
I had hope when a friend told me about MMI, but this only seemed to get worse. It wasn't during the course that things got notably better, or soon after. It is only recently, after I have had time to go over and ponder the 13 points of the MMI course that I have come to understand the value of them in my life.

The second one is 'sowing and reaping'

There have been a lot of words spoken out in pain and anger, mainly by me and it has only been recently that I have understood what 'sowing and reaping' was in a 'one flesh marriage'. When I was angry and hurting, the words that I spoke did nothing for the benefit of my husband or our marriage and they only made me feel worse. What I say and do affects my husband, marriage and our son Ben. What I sow good or bad, I will reap.

The third one is on Roles

Both of us have lived our lives just the way we wanted. Even though I had a son, like Frank, I was the one that called the shots and made all the decisions, and like Frank, that meant that we had crossed role boundaries as single people and now as a one flesh couple. We had to redefine areas in our lives to find to find the compatible roles assigned by God.

 As I said there were three topics but there is a fourth and that is the one I am meant to be testify on, it's about being in a one flesh marriage.
We need to understand that when we make a covenant to God and to each other it is binding for life.
That what we put into our marriage is exactly what we get out of it. We reap what we sow.
That in order to to be effective as a one flesh couple we need to understand our roles as husband and wife.

I have written a poem and I would like to share it with you.
The heading is titled One Flesh.
The ending is that A Reformed Independent. 


One Flesh
A poem by Wendy Ruth Van Der Hulst


  The challenge set before me,
Is to be a One Flesh Wife.
The task is hard because you see,
I've lived an independent life.

The choices I must make, form now,
Just cannot be my own.
They now include an Us and We,
and not just me alone.

It is a task, as you can see,
That is by no means small.
It came about with Adam and Eve,
You know, the story of the fall.

Before that time, the Bible states,
The woman came from the man.
God took her from the side of him,
'cause he needed a helping hand.

Now there was not just an Adam,
And there was not just an Eve.
They were united, but separate,
I know it's a hard one to conceive.

They had a three part unity,
That was Spirit , Soul and Body.
But when sin came into the world,
Everything got really shoddy.

We started living for ourselves,
Fulfilling desires for only one.
But God was sad, for He could see,
That we had all become, so undone.

  To bring us back to that unity,
GOD sent HIS only SON. 
The gift of love, he gave to us,
So that we could learn to live as one.

When living life unmarried,
A very self sufficient person was I,
All that ever had to be done,
I did without blinking an eye.

When marriage came into my life,
A change was needed too.
No longer was I the only one who did,
My husband, he did too.

Now, to put us two together,
Some things just had to change.
We had to start living for each other,
No matter how difficult or strange.

Thank God for MMI because,
Our eyes have been opened wide.
There is so much that I can do,
With my husband by my side.

To compliment each other,
Is the way it's supposed to be.
It's something we're learning daily,
And through Christ, we are set free.

See free from the bonds that bind us,
That make us only ever see me.
Set free to live together,
In a one flesh harmony. 


A Reformed Independent.


If you have a testimony to to share please e-mail it, with a photo if possible, to Murray Fookes