Invest in Your Marriage

Courting should not be a thing of the past

Probably the most prevalent problem that couples experience in their marriage stems from a natural selfishness exhibited by all mankind. During the dating and courting process a lot of energy goes into trying to attract, please and catch a prospective partner but, unfortunately, once the marriage relationship has been sealed a degenerative process starts to occur.

During courting we put so much energy into pleasing each other but once married our selfishness kicks in over a period of time resulting in a relationship where both husband and wife concentrate on how to get more from the relationship for themselves instead of striving to give to the relationship by purposefully trying to help or please each other. In the worst of cases this can lead to the marriage falling apart and ending in divorce.

So that's the problem, but what is the solution? How can we have better, happier, divorce proof marriages? Quite simply it is by trying to prefer one another, to please one another, to help and be considerate to one another, to give to the relationship rather than take from the relationship. It really is that simple and will result in big improvements in any marriage. Of course the working through and the implementation of this is not quite as simple and will require a lot of thought and discipline as you try to change your behaviour from one of taking to one of giving - but the results are worth it.

Often I have found it helpful to remember back to when I was dating the woman who is now my wife. Thinking back I realised that during that time everything I did revolved around how I could catch Elaine's attention, how I could steal a few minutes with her, how I could make her smile, and how I could make her happy in some way. When I think of all the energy I expended doing this and compare it to the time I now take to try and please my wife I find it easy to realise that there is much more I can do to bring life to our relationship.

The other thing that is worth noting here is that for this principal to work it initially only has to be implemented by one person in the relationship. If you are dissatisfied with how your marriage is going then you are able to start doing something to turn your relationship around. You don't have to sit down and first convince your husband or wife to join you in this exercise. The reason is that as you start to take time to invest love, kindness and helpfulness into your spouse they will notice the difference and be naturally drawn to reciprocate.


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