What are you doing while you are standing? What occupies your thoughts? Where do you focus your energy? Where do you find your peace and contentment?
These are important questions when we are standing. The point of standing is not to be consumed by standing. Your spouse should not be your focus. Your marriage healing should not be your focus. You should keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith.
An amazing thing happens when you focus on Jesus. You begin to build a solid, deep relationship with Him. When I first began standing, it was all about me--my pain, my rejection, my heart's desires, etc. The more I walked with Jesus, though, the more His life became my life and His vision became my vision. The love that compels Him began to compel me. The compassion that moves Him began to move me. The desires of His heart became the desires of mine.
People who are focused solely on the healing of their marriage are hard to be around. They are like an open pit that sucks in every bit of life around them. I think we are all there at some point but that is not where we should remain. No one who is in love with Jesus and is walking closely with Him comes off as a needy person. Those who focus only on themselves are a walking mass of need. People begin to avoid them because there is no way they can possibly meet that need.
Ask yourself a question. What is the focus of your daily life? Is it calling out to Jesus to meet your need? Is it telling others how much you love your spouse and desire to have him/her with you again? It is making sure others know you are suffering? Or are you focused on Jesus? Are you at peace? Do you share with others how wonderful He is and what He has done in your life?
Scripture tells us that out of the abundance of our heart, our mouth speaks. Whatever is in your heart will come out your mouth. If you are focused on yourself and on your lack or pain or emptiness, that is what will come out of your mouth. That is where your heart is. If, though, you are focused on Jesus and His tremendous life within you, that is what will come out of your mouth. When your heart is grounded in Him, life will easily flow from your lips.
Your life should not be put on hold while you wait to receive what you are praying for. "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
That is how we are to wait: actively serving our Lord, focused on Him. Look at what happens when we wait like that. We are strengthened. We do not grow weary. We mount up and fly over circumstances like the eagle.
So how are you waiting? Are you sitting and waiting or are you serving the Lord with all your heart? Are you counting the days and wondering when God is going to answer your prayers? Or are you so in love with the Lord and with walking with Him that He will be the one to tell you when your prayers are answered.
Before you can live that way, though, you must settle something in your heart. Do you have a marriage covenant that is broken only by the death of either you or your spouse? If you truly believe that, then time is not an issue. You can put away the clock and the calendar and stop wondering "when." You can focus on Jesus and His plans for you. You can serve Him with all your heart. You can fall more deeply in love with Him with each passing day.
If, however, you have a plan B somewhere in the back of your mind, then time will be very important to you. What happens day to day with your marriage will consume you and your focus will remain on you and your needs. You will always be wondering if your marriage is really going to be healed or if you should get "on with your life".
I want to be as blunt and honest with you as I can. When we stand we all go through a time when we are broken and crushed by the circumstances of our marriage. We all need healing in our own hearts. That is where most of us start. But that is not where we should remain. If you believe that Jesus is strong enough and powerful enough to heal your marriage, then you must also believe He is able to heal your own heart. If He is able to turn the heart of the king, then He must be able to minister to your heart and bring you to wholeness in Him.
You must become a whole person in Jesus no matter what you do with your life. Your spouse is not going to heal your heart. Your spouse cannot make you whole. Seeing your marriage healed will not bring you fulfillment. So you must stop putting all your emotional energy into your love and desire for your spouse.
If your heart is broken, you need to allow Jesus to bring you healing before anything else. Your own healing is key to your stand. Then out of your wholeness in Him, you can serve Him with all your heart. Instead of sitting while you stand, you can run and not grow weary! ~ Marilyn
"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." Psalm 37:7
"Wait on the LORD;Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14
Friday, May 22, 2009
Consider Leah
Have you ever thought much about Leah? Just think what her life must have been like. (Genesis 29:14-28) Jacob wanted to marry her younger sister Rachel, who was "lovely in form and beautiful. He worked seven years to win Rachel, but Laban instead gave him Leah, his older daughter, who had "weak eyes". I've always had a bit of trouble understanding how Jacob didn't know the difference at the wedding, but have chalked it up to lots of veils.
At any rate, when Jacob discovered he had the wrong daughter, he went to Laban and pleaded for Rachel to be his wife. Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work."
That must have been some week. Leah spending her first week of married life with a husband who couldn't wait for the week to end so he could get the woman he really wanted. Leah began her married life as the wife Jacob did not want. "Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah."
Then scripture says, "When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son." When Michael found out I was pregnant with our third child, he left me and said he didn't want the baby or me. As my time of delivery grew near, God gave me this scripture. It was how He told me I was carrying a boy. Then He said that his name would mean healer and that he would bring great healing to many in his life. I had to take a baby book and read all the names to find the one that meant healer-Jason, God's child of promise!
As Leah continued to have children, Rachel remained barren. One can only read between the lines that Jacob probably spent a lot more time with Rachel wanting to conceive than with pregnant Leah. Her life must have been filled with loneliness and rejection.
Leah's story may have been a sad one, but it ended well. Rachel died in childbirth and was buried by the side of the road, but when Jacob was dying he gave instructions to be buried where "Abraham and his wife Sarah were buried, there Isaac and his wife Rebekah were buried, and there I buried Leah." In the end, God honored Leah's position as Jacob's covenant wife and she was buried alongside her husband in the family burial grounds.
Today maybe you feel like Leah (or maybe Lee if you are a guy), unloved and unwanted by your spouse. Jacob was very overt in his desire for another woman and very clear in his rejection of Leah. No doubt you too have experienced that treatment or something similar.
Yet God remembered Leah and blessed her and honored her. You need to look to the One who truly knows who you are and loves you and desires the very best for you. What your spouse thinks or believes right now is not the end of the story. Just as with Leah, God sees where you are today and the condition of your relationship. He is more than able to bless you along the way.
I have always loved the story of Leah. It gave me hope when things were dark and seemed hopeless. It showed me that God's love is greater than man's rejection. And it demonstrated to me that generations can be blessed by the Lord through one person's faithfulness. ~ Marilyn
"For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." Deuteronomy 30:16
"He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:4
Friday, March 27, 2009
Does This Make Sense?
This week my husband, Michael, said something very powerful to me. We had just received an email from an apostle in the Body of Christ who is helping restore a man to ministry. This man divorced his wife and married another woman with whom he was having an affair before the divorce. Now that he's remarried, the Church's goal is to get this man back into ministry as soon as possible.
My husband said to me, "Isn't it amazing. If he and his first wife had decided to stay together and get their marriage healed, he would have been removed from ministry for several years to be disciplined and rehabilitated. Since he divorced his wife, though, and married the other woman, his slate is now clean and he can get back to ministry as soon as possible." He shook his head and added, "It just doesn't make sense."
How sad and how true. The Body of Christ seems very confused regarding marriage and divorce. While faith for physical healing is preached world-wide, seldom do we hear a sermon about standing for a marriage and seeing it healed. There are any number of teaching series available on DVD about faith for finances, but only a few about faith for marriage healing.
Free will is sometimes preached as stronger than the power of God in a relationship. It seems that what the sinner wants is not supposed to be messed with or opposed. It makes me wonder why we pray for someone to be saved. Maybe they don't want to be saved. After all, they have free will. Why do we mess with that and pray that they receive the Lord? Could it be that we know that is God's will for them? Is it not just as much God's will for a spouse to return to his or her covenant partner?
Do you know that "free will" in the Bible only refers to an offering? Do you realize that everyone's will is aligned either with God or with the devil? No one's will is in neutral, waiting to line up somewhere. When we are born into this world, our will is aligned with Satan. We live in our sinful nature. When we receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we align our will with His. Every person is in one group or the other. Why would we then not want to pray for those whose wills are aligned with the enemy?
Scripture tells us that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. The Contemporary English Bible says, "We live in this world, but we don't act like its people or fight our battles with the weapons of this world. Instead, we use God's power that can destroy fortresses. We destroy arguments and every bit of pride that keeps anyone from knowing God. We capture people's thoughts and make them obey Christ."
When our spouse is caught in the enemy's trap, we stand in the gap and intercede for strongholds to fall and for our spouse to agree with God's will. We walk in faith, seeing the unseen as more real than the seen. I remember God telling me to consider my husband a prisoner of war held in the enemy camp. I needed to intercede for him so that he might be set free from captivity and be able to make his own decision for Christ. People told me to leave him alone because he had a free will, but God showed me that his will was not free but was aligned with Satan. He could not fight for himself and so I needed to fight for him.
Why does the Body of Christ believe that the spouse who wants to leave the marriage has more power than the one who wants to stay? Why does the Church honor the wishes of the prodigal and ridicule the wishes of the one standing? Why is the one who dishonors his or her covenant considered more sane and more stable than the one who remains faithful to it? It is because the Church has bought the lie that divorce is the answer to a troubled marriage.
I remember years ago in Washington we heard that in 1920 a book was written in Germany by a couple of doctors that declared that the compassionate thing to do was to end a life that was substandard. From that time until World War II, doctors in Germany were indoctrinated with this philosophy so that by the time Hitler made plans to exterminate certain groups of people, all he had to do was convince the doctors that their lives were substandard. It was falsely believed that it was more compassionate to end those lives than to allow them to continue living in a painful state.
Unfortunately, the Church has received this same philosophy regarding marriage and now believes that the compassionate thing to do is end a marriage that is in trouble. Healing takes time. Healing is painful, but in the end healing is healthy. Ending marriages that are in pain only perpetuates pain. It may be a quick solution, but in the end the aftermath lasts for years and years. Taking the time to heal is so much better in the long run.
So why am I writing all this to you? You are standing and you believe that God wants to heal your marriage. I just want to encourage you that you are not alone and that, even though the deck seems stacked against you at times, God has given you faith and grace for this hour. Don't be discouraged.
We sense that a new season is beginning and that many will come to understand covenant in this season. We know that before the Lord returns, His Bride must understand covenant. So stand strong and trust the Lord. Don't try to make things happen - trust the Lord to do them. You are a true hero of the faith! ~ Marilyn
"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:14-19
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
No Magic Formula
Sorry about the long hiatus. We had a little problem that shut us down for a while. Please make sure the person you are forwarding the blog to wants to receive it. Sending it to your spouse is probably not a good idea. Angry spouses tend to report that as spam.
Many times people think that if they just say or do something, it will be the key to a spouse changing his or her mind and restoring the marriage. I have received many emails saying that I don't make it clear what I did to get my husband to come home. If you are looking for an answer like that, this is probably not going to help you much.
There is no magic formula or specific thing to do that will make the difference for your marriage. I would hope that those who follow this blog regularly would understand that the key is your relationship with God. You cannot change another person. You cannot be obedient for someone else.
You can grow closer to the Lord and learn to hear His voice ever more clearly. You can obey His directions for you. You can allow Him to change your heart and your focus. That is what standing is all about. What happens with your spouse and your marriage is almost secondary to the miraculous changes that will happen in your own life if you devote yourself to following the Lord during this time.
No human being is your answer. In fact, it is idolatry to make a human being more important or having more power than God in your life. Your fulfillment, your peace, your contentment are not based on whether or not your spouse is with you. All those things come from relationship with the Lord.
When David returned to Ziklag and found that his whole family had been taken from him, scripture tells us "but David found strength in the Lord his God" (1 Samuel 30:6). That is the only place you will find strength at any time in your life, let alone when you are standing and fighting a battle for your home.
We must each learn to run to Him and find our answers in Him and Him alone. When Jesus went to the cross, He bore all our sins and suffered the judgement of them all for us. He took other things to that cross for us as well. He suffered betrayal through a phony kiss from someone He loved. He was brutalized and shamed publicly. He was abandoned by all but a close few. Not only did His body suffer indescribable torture, but His soul also bore the pain and suffering that others inflicted upon Him. He bore all of that so that we might not have to.
So, when we are faced with betrayal, with shame, with abandonment, and loneliness we can turn to Him. He has borne them all for us and in Him we can find total peace. Some feel that the restoration of a marriage is the final goal but we can personally tell you that only leads to deeper issues that God wants to resolve in each of our lives. Marriage is a constant working out of God's plan for both of us and requires healing and adjustment, growth and adjustment, and challenges and adjustment.
Marriage is never static or settled. One of us is always growing and changing and that requires the other one to grow and change as well. We are constantly adjusting to what God is doing within each of our lives and our relationship. What I learned while I was standing is what ministers to us today. Our peace is not in each other. Our total joy and fulfillment are not found in each other. Our relationship grows and flourishes in proportion to how much we draw on Jesus and allow Him to work on our hearts.
Once, one of us stood for our marriage. Now we stand together. And together we face the same attacks and the same schemes of the enemy that he has used since the Garden of Eden. Reconciling your marriage will be of little benefit if you have not learned to rest totally in Jesus while you stand. Many times we see couples reconcile only to break up again. Why? Many times it is because the one standing thought that the answer to prayer was having his or her spouse come home.
No, your answer to prayer is your own transformation in Christ. The more you draw into Him, the more you will find peace and joy in all circumstances and the less you will look to people to be your answer. God wants your marriage and family to be restored but God's plan is so much bigger than just that. God sees generationally. He sees the beginning from the end.
When God gives an answer, the blessings go out as ripples in the water. The center may be where the miracle occurs, but the ripples continue to bless lives through the generations. Your answer to prayer will also be the answer for many, many others as what God does in your life goes out into the lives of others.
Far too often the Church short circuits the work of God in the hearts of His people by finding answers for them in people. "Forget that first spouse. God has someone better for you." And the real tragedy is that a person is once again made the answer and the cycle begins again.
How much better it would be if all God's people could be helped to understand that the reason we get into trouble in life in the first place is because we thought a person would fulfill us in some way - perhaps a spouse, or a child, or a parent, or a friend. And yet, in the end, everyone of them fails us in some way or another. God gave us the desire for relationship and gave us people to relate to but His plan was that we would find our fulfillment and our identity in Him and Him alone. ~ Marilyn
"For in Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28
"And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Sunday, February 1, 2009
What About the Children?
So many of you have asked me about our children during my stand - how did they deal with it, what about them being around the other woman, their relationship with their dad, etc. As I share my experience I recognize that it is not the same as yours. I pray that you may find some answers and some encouragement as you seek the Lord for your particular situation.
When Michael became involved with the first other woman, our daughter was eight and our son was five. I was pregnant with our third child. Along with telling me he didn't want me around anymore, he also told our children that he never wanted them and wished they'd never been born. The devil really does fight dirty.
Every child is different and every one of them reacts individually when faced with a crisis like that. Our daughter was very emotional, crying most of the time and deeply wounded by her dad's rejection. Our son internalized everything and I mistook his outward calm for inward well being. On top of that, at five years old he became the man of the house. I didn't realize it at the time but I began to rely on him to take care of things my husband had done such as take out the garbage. We had a very steep driveway in our home in the mountains and one of my most vivid memories was looking out the window and seeing my little five-year-old struggling up that long, steep driveway with a full garbage can. I ran out to help him and he said, "It's okay, Mom. I can do it."
That was his heart toward me, always protecting and taking care of me. Our daughter healed just as openly as she had grieved, but our son is still healing to this day. Pay attention to the one that seems to be doing so well.
When our third child, our second son, was born he was severely demonically oppressed. The enemy had attacked him in the womb with the rejection of his father. When Michael learned I was pregnant he had declared he did not want the baby. He spoke words of death over our child and those words wounded him and allowed the enemy an opening to oppress him. Eventually we learned how to get him set free, but that is another story.
The Lord impressed upon me that no matter what my husband was saying and doing, he still had the authority that God had given me as the head of our home. If I truly believed God was going to heal our marriage, then I needed to prepare our children for the return of their father to their lives. If I dishonored him to them or if I allowed them to dishonor him, then I would be contributing to their lack of respect for him. Yet, on the other hand, he had said terrible things to them and had hurt them tremendously. I didn't know how to deal with that and yet help them to continue loving and honoring him.
As usual, the Lord has answers for us when we pray. As I sought Him, He reminded me of His command, "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12) If I did not teach my children to honor their father, then I would be cursing them with the effects of dishonor to parents. But how would I help them love and honor him when he was treating them so terribly?
Again the Lord gave me wisdom. My children were young and yours may be older, so this is what the Lord spoke to me. It may not be what He would have you do. You must ask Him for your own answers.
For my children, though, the Lord gave me the perfect answer. I sat down with them and asked, "if Daddy were sick, what would we do to help him?" They answered as little children do with various things such as get him a cold cloth or see if he needs some medicine. Then I said to them, "Daddy is sick, but it's not his body that is sick. It is his mind. He doesn't look sick but inside the devil has made him very sick and so he says and does things that are not like your real daddy. We need to help Daddy just like we would if he were sick in his body."
They thought about that for a minute and asked some questions that related to his words to them and his behavior toward them. Then they said, "We hate the devil. He's made our daddy sick." God had helped them to see who their real enemy was. How many Christians never realize that truth!
From that day forth we cried together and prayed together for Daddy to be healed. Eventually each child had to forgive him in their own time and maturity, but for that season we reached a place where they could relate to what was happening and love and honor their father.
When Michael came home, they ran to greet him. I believe their love for him was part of his healing. Marital discord and separation break the hearts of children. They should never be used as weapons in the war between Dad and Mom. They should never be used as spies or as secret agents when they are with the other parent. Children's hearts are pure and when they learn to hear the voice of the Lord, they will listen to Him.
I don't want to minimize the trauma of sending your children to the other woman (or man). It tears our hearts out to have our children go into the enemy camp. But remember, none of that is of their choosing. They didn't want you to separate in the first place. The enemy is a terrible foe and he fights dirty. He will try to get to your children and he will use any means he can. You need to help your children learn the truth of God's Word. You need to teach them how to hear His voice. He speaks to children so clearly and their hearts are so open.
There is only one enemy and he is not your spouse or the other person. Satin is the enemy. Teach your children to recognize him and his ways. You do not have to use names or people as examples. Those who know how to recognize the truth will detect the lie easily. It is when we argue against our spouse as loudly as our spouse argues against us that our children become confused as to who is telling the truth.
Let this time of standing become a spiritual classroom for you and your children. Show them the love of God. Let them see you returning good for evil. Let them see you loving when you are not loved. Let them see you forgiving and blessing. Let them hear you speaking words of honor and love for your spouse. When the Lord is shining through your life, they will clearly see the difference when they are with those who are following the enemy. The lessons they learn in this season will last a lifetime. ~ Marilyn
"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" Matthew 19:14
"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." Psalm 8:2
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Q and A
Okay, I took a deep breath since yesterday. I want to make sure you understand when I talk about Christians divorcing I am not talking about those who have no choice because the law allows their spouse to divorce even if they don't want to. I am talking about Christians who both walk away from a marriage and declare that nothing can be done. When one spouse decides to take a powerful stand in the spirit to see the marriage healed, that sends an entirely different, very healthy message. Just want to make sure that is clear.
I'd like to start answering questions today that have been submitted by followers of this blog.
Question: How did you pray while you were standing? Were you scared?
Answer: When I first began standing I was terrified. I was pregnant with our third child, our two other children were terribly wounded by what was happening, and I didn't know of one person who had stood for their marriage. I didn't know what the future held for us and I didn't know what to do. I was an emotional basket case and I was filled with fear and doubt. All I knew was the Lord had told me if I was willing to stand, He would be there for me.
Our pastor says that sometimes the most effective prayer is, "Help!" That was my initial prayer. It was usually prayed as I sobbed uncontrollably, clutching my Bible, trying to figure out what to do next. The hurt was so deep and so painful and I felt so worthless and abandoned. I was not a woman of faith or courage. I vacillated between hopelessness and fury. One minute I wanted God to heal our marriage and the next I just wanted to kill the two of them. No wonder people watching me thought I should just move on with my life.
Gradually, though, the peace of the Lord began to sink into my heart. I couldn't explain it. Nothing really had changed in the natural. If anything, things had gotten worse. Yet in the midst of all of that, the Lord began to forge within me a solid faith that He was at work. It didn't happen overnight. Every waking moment I clung to Him. Every moment I was not taking care of children or working or completing household chores, I sat in His presence and read the Word. I was bankrupt emotionally and spiritually and being in His presence was the only place I could find peace from the storm around me. I think that gradually the peace of being with Him began to calm my heart and clear my head. Faith had been planted in my heart and was beginning to grow.
At first my prayers were very basic and very scattered. I prayed for God to take care of my children and me, I prayed for food and other necessities, and I prayed for my husband to come home. Sometimes my prayers were uttered in a moment of panic and other times they flowed in a more settled emotion. Basically, though, they were survival prayers.
As time passed and as I learned to hear the voice of the Lord more clearly, my prayers changed to praying scripture for my husband and our marriage and family. I had begun to realize that the attack on our marriage was really a demonic plan to destroy our family and home. This helped me to remember that I was not fighting flesh and blood. The Lord had begun healing my heart, so things weren't all about me anymore. My own pain had subsided somewhat and I could focus on my husband who was caught in the enemy's snare.
I began to realize that I was not a victim but a victor in Christ. My husband was the one who was caught in the clutches of the enemy. I was free in Christ and in Him I was more than a conquerer. As I began to get God's perspective, I began to pull out of the focus on me and my problems and began to fight spiritual warfare on my husband's behalf. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
Eventually (after a couple years) my prayers became very focussed. I would wake in the morning and ask the Lord what demons were assigned to my husband that day. The Lord would very clearly reveal to me the enemy's plans for the day. I would then bind those spirits and declare their assignments cancelled and I would pray for Michael to recognize those areas of his life where the enemy was working.
I think the key for me was the more time I spent with the Lord, the greater the compassion that He placed in my heart for Michael. Eventually I could pray for him with the love and compassion of the Lord, not my own emotions or desires.
Everyone's journey is unique but I would encourage you to spend every moment you can in the presence of the Lord. He will transform your heart and give you vision far beyond your own. He will also replace your hurt with a powerful love and compassion that is not limited to human love. There were many days when I did not love my husband, but the Lord never stopped loving Him. He went to the cross to see Michael set free and that love is what carried me when I had none of my own left.
So many times people say to me, " I want to see our marriage healed. I love him (her) so much!" I'm telling you that love is not enough. It will not endure the days ahead. It will not survive betrayal and rejection. The love that Jesus has, though, endures through everything. Draw on Him today. Lose yourself in Him. Rest in Him and find peace! ~ Marilyn
"But You, O Lord, are a God of compassion and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in mercy and truth." Psalm 86:15
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Terrorism and Divorce
We got an interesting email today. Some friends of ours announced they are getting a divorce. He is a pastor and the two of them taught marriage classes with our ministry for years. They are not ignorant of God's Word nor are they ignorant of the enemy's attack, but in the email they said this is "for the best."
When I receive a communication like that, I feel like screaming, "Body of Christ, wake up!!!!!" We who have the living Lord dwelling within us should be the most powerful people on the face of the earth. Yet time after time when the enemy attacks we see Christians acting like there is just nothing they can do.
I know there is personal pain involved in those types of decisions. I know that marriages don't disintegrate overnight and that the decision to end a marriage comes slowly and stealthily. And I know that it is not easy to stand against the enemy.
But, I also know that Jesus is the name above all names. He paid the price to overcome the works of enemy and He has made available to us all that heaven has to offer. I know that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty to the pulling down of strongholds through the Holy Spirit. I know that in Him we are more than conquerors!
Every time a Christian decides to divorce I believe they are making a loud and clear declaration, "Jesus didn't do enough to overcome the sin in our lives. His blood doesn't bring healing and He is not able to reconcile."
I've thought a lot about this couple today. I've thought about all the couples they taught and discipled when they worked with us. Many were young couples, just starting out in marriage. Will they now believe the lie that Jesus is not able to heal a marriage since their mentors are proclaiming it so loudly?
I thought also of the members of their church and of their families and friends. As the shepherd is struck, will the sheep scatter? How many marriages in that church will now end in divorce because their shepherd has led the way?
I thought about their children that we have watched grow up through the years. I thought about their broken hearts as mom and dad end a relationship that was supposed to bring security to their lives. I thought about their future relationships and marriages. When times get tough, will they just walk away as well because that is what they were taught?
Many times I have wondered why so many in our nation do not see the threat that is poised against us as terrorists seek to destroy us and our way of life. So many in our nation act as if the war on terror is either the figment of someone's imagination or a simple exaggeration way beyond reality.
Then I stop and think about the Church. We set the spiritual atmosphere in a nation. The life of the Church brings life to the nation. Yet in the Church so many fail to recognize the biggest terrorist of them all and how he and his minions destroy homes and families daily. Far too many ignore his terrorism or make excuses for what he has destroyed by blaming people and situations.
It is no wonder that in the natural many cannot stand strong against a physical enemy when the Church is so unable to stand strong spiritually against our spiritual enemy.
I commend you today for the decision you have made and the good fight of faith you are fighting. You have decided that no demonic force is going to determine the fate of your marriage and family. Your life is a loud declaration that when Jesus said, "It is finished," He truly had paid the full price. Some days you may wonder if it is worth it and on those days remember the eyes that are watching you. They may not understand what you are doing or they may even be trying to get you to stop, but somewhere in the depths of their heart they see God's faithfulness and power at work.
Every time someone stands and says, "No!" to the enemy's destructive plans, the Church's voice becomes a bit stronger. Every time someone lays down his/her life and allows the Lord to begin working on his/her own heart, the Church grows a bit more in power. And every time a marriage is reconciled, the Church regains a bit more of its dynamic influence in our society. I long for the day when the Church stands out in the land as a faithful covenant people who will not allow the enemy to take one more marriage or family. I long for the day when the world marvels and says, "See how they love one another!" ~ Marilyn
"Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7
"If anyone says, 'I love God' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, who he has not seen." 1 John 4:20
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Friday, January 16, 2009
Don't Give Up!
Our youngest son has begun an incredible exercise regimen. He found that he was plateauing on his previous workouts, so he is now working on a new program that prevents plateaus. When the kit arrived, he was reading some of the material to me and one phrase really struck me. "Most people give up far too soon."
As he began the daily regimen, I realized why they had warned him up front. He works out for an hour and a half every day and the workout is brutal. Yet every time he feels he has reached the point of quiting, the video encourages him, "You can do more." He told me that he would have given up long ago if he had not been encouraged continually to keep going.
Of course my mind immediately drew the parallel to the stamina and courage it takes to stand for a marriage - and to the fact that "Most people give up far too soon." That's why it's important to have folks cheering us on and telling us frequently, "You can do more!"
I saw other parallels with the exercise program as well. Not too many people are willing to push their bodies so vigorously. Not many begin an exercise program that tough and even among those who do, many drop out when it gets too hard.
When the enemy attacks a marriage, not many people realize that the problem is the enemy and not their spouse. Not many are willing to take a stand and fight for their marriage. And of those who are, not many continue on when circumstances or people convince them they should stop. That is why we all need encouragement just like our son receives from the video he watches.
The Holy Spirit is our number one coach and encourager. When we're exhausted or discouraged, He is right there to cheer us on. When circumstances seem to overwhelm us, He reminds us that it is not by might or by power but by the Spirit that victory comes. When we are hurting, He is the great Comforter. When we need direction, He brings us divine wisdom. His is the voice we need to hear when we want to give up.
We also need the encouragement of each other. That is why we always recommend that those who are standing for their marriage become a part of a support group, such as a Covenant Keeper's meeting. It is important to encourage one another. Not only do we get blessed but we also learn to move beyond our own needs by reaching out to others.
Every January it seems that the whole world decides to get in shape. Commercials for diet programs and exercise equipment bombard the airways. People are making New Year's resolutions and determining that this year will be different. Yet by March it is amazing how many have abandoned all hope of ever getting in shape. Newly purchased exercise equipment sits gathering dust and diet programs have either been discarded or are on sale on eBay.
It takes courage and determination to follow through. The pain of staying the same must be greater than the pain of change in order to endure the effort needed to change.
It is the same with standing. First of all, we need to realize that change is possible. The Lord's desire for our marriages is not to paste us back together in the same state we were in when the trauma began. His desire is to heal each of our hearts so that we are whole and healthy in Him. He wants our marriages to be filled with unity and power. Change in our hearts and in our relationships comes through Him. Our part is staying steady and faithful while He works.
So realize that you are in this for the long haul. It is going to take time. It is going to take effort. Look for those who will encourage you and and avoid those who want to help you quit. Realize that if it were easy, everyone would do it. It is not easy, but just as with physical exercise, as you exercise your faith, you will begin to see results. Think of the Holy Spirit as your personal trainer and follow His direction. And remember, most people give up far too soon! - Marilyn
"You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you." Galatians 5:7,8
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
When It Seems the World Is Always Winning
Sometimes it does seem like the world is winning, like their way is prospering. It can be frustrating to pray and believe and wait on the Lord only to see that what happens is the exact opposite of what we are seeking. And many times those around us seem to understand more what the world is doing than what we are.
When Michael told me that he was leaving me to marry my best friend, I thought that all our friends would be on my side. Both our family and her family were members of the same church. I thought our pastor would be totally against the divorce and would stand with me for healing. Actually, just the opposite happened.
Our pastor told me it was inevitable that our marriage was over and that Michael was going to remarry. He said there really was nothing I could do about it. The biggest shock for me, though, came when our friends began double dating with Michael and his new love. They were invited to dinner at the homes of mutual friends and they frequently went out with couples we had known for years. Many of them told me that I should just let Michael go and stop trying to ruin his life. In a very short amount of time I began to feel alienated in my own church. It was as if I had become the other woman.
All of those experiences were reality, but were they truth? That is what the Lord began to teach me. Truth is what God says - plain and simple. There is a reason that scripture asks, "Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?" God says one thing, the world says another. And the world works hard to reinforce what it says and believes. We are constantly surrounded by evidence that seems to prove that the world is right.
Yet God has told us something very different. Where then is the evidence of what He says? Why do we not see it readily all around us and why does it often seem like an uphill battle to experience His truths?
First of all, God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. (John 4:24) Everything that comes from God originates in the spirit realm. God speaks things before we see them in the natural. Jesus, who was the promised redemption of mankind in the Garden of Eden, came to earth in God's timing - God's Word became flesh - what God said came into the natural.
Remember Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." When we begin standing in faith we have God's word but as yet it is not seen with our natural eyes. Standing in faith means believing before we see it. "...while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
All of this sounds great in sermons, but it is a bit harder when we are walking it out. It is much easier to see earthly things, but they are temporary. What really matters and what really will stand permanently is what is not seen.
How well this was illustrated to me when I was standing. The seemingly permanent situation with my husband and his girlfriend eventually passed away and he went on to other women. While that was not very consoling to me, it did illustrate that if we focus on what our natural eyes can see, we will never have a stable place to stand permanently. What God had told me stood and eventually came to pass. What the world told me just passed away.
That is why if you are focusing on what your spouse is doing or saying or what the circumstances around you seem to be dictating, you will always be in turmoil. They are all only temporary and will change frequently. It's like building your life on sifting sand.
When you begin to focus on what God says, though, you will find greater peace and stability in your life. You may not yet see with your natural eyes what He has said, but you will know that what He says is true and you can trust Him to bring it to pass in His timing.
Remember that the twelve spies all saw the very same things. Ten believed the circumstances and two believed God. Until the day we leave this earth, we will constantly be faced with the same choice. And remember, even the two who believed God still had to obey Him and fight to take the Promised Land. Faith in God gives us the vision and the strength to overcome what we face in the natural.
Even though our pastor and all our friends treated me like the other woman, God recognized me as my husband's wife. When my husband's lover flaunted her relationship with my husband openly in our small town, God assured me that I was still the wife of his youth. The two of us were still one, no matter what others thought or said. That gave me standing to pray for my husband as no one else on earth could. So while others believed I was no longer relevant in my husband's life, I believed God who had made us one. God's eternal word stood and the world's temporary words eventually passed away.
Be encouraged today! As you stand, God is at work. His spoken word is going forth, transforming and renewing. Don't let the temporary that you can see bring fear to your heart. Stand instead firm on what you can't see. It is eternal and true. - Marilyn
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful..." Hebrews 12:28
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalm 37:3
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Road Is the Journey
This morning my grandson was watching the movie Cars and Sally was explaining Route 66 to Lightening McQueen. She shared how the road used to follow the countryside, twisting and turning as it flowed along. Then the freeway was built and it cut through the land, no longer following its contours. She concluded with a statement something like this, "Instead of trying to make time on the road, people used to have a good time on the road."
That little phrase caught my attention. I thought of how many times we try to find the freeway to get to what we want from the Lord. Our goal is to make time, to cut through, to get answers as fast as we can. Yet many times the Holy Spirit wants to take us on the scenic route.
I remember traveling across country when I was a little girl. Every summer our family took a trip somewhere to experience more of our land. Back in the dark ages we didn't have air conditioning in cars so summer travel meant driving with the windows down. The hot air blew throughout the car and by the end of the day everything was covered with dust including our skin and our hair. The roar of the wind made conversation nearly impossible and we didn't have iPods or earphones or anything else for that matter that made a sound loud enough to hear over the wind. So the whole trip was spent pretty much looking out the windows and watching the countryside.
Sometimes we played games to pass the time. If we were near civilization, we'd play the Alphabet Game and see who would be the fastest to find words starting with each letter of the alphabet. Out in the country, though, games consisted of looking for certain types of vegetation or rock formations.
At some point during the day we would stop to eat, usually a lunch my mom had packed since my folks weren't big on fast food. My sister and I would run around the park where we stopped to burn up all the pent up energy we had accumulated. Sometimes we'd visit with other travelers and learn where they had been and where they were going.
Then we'd all get back in the car and continue on our journey. I didn't realize it at the time but those trips left me with a rich appreciation of our wonderful country with its variety of landscapes and climates and delightful people. The journey was so much a part of the experience that actually arriving where we were headed was almost anticlimactic.
Now I often wonder if that isn't how our Christian walk is to be. I believe sometimes the Holy Spirit loads us into a spiritual car that isn't air conditioned. It's not very comfortable and it seems the wind is always blowing. It's hard to get anyone to hear us when we try to share what is happening in our lives. Occasionally we have wonderful moments of fellowship with other travelers and then it's back on the road again.
The Holy Spirit never takes us on the freeway. His road is always winding through the twists and turns of life. Our goal is to arrive at our destination, so we want the fastest trip possible. But His goal is the journey, so He is in no hurry. I think the key is we can either complain about the trip or we can look out the window and begin to enjoy the scenery.
Are you seeking answers from the Lord and possibly feeling a little impatient that He isn't a bit faster? Are you so focused on where you want to be that you aren't enjoying where you are? Maybe when you get to where you're going you will need what you've learned along the way on the journey.
A really interesting study is see in scripture how many things happened to people when they were on a journey. Paul was converted on the road to Damascus. The servants of Cornelius were on a journey to find Peter when he had his rooftop experience to prepare him to go to the Gentiles. Journeys are very important. Maybe today is the day to refocus and begin to see what the Lord wants to show you along the journey. One thing is for sure, He knows where you are going and He knows how to get you there. The important thing is, you need to let Him do the driving. He has a wonderful trip planned. - Marilyn
"By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night." Exodus 13:21
"As [Paul] neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him." Acts 9:3
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps at 11:23 AM 2 comments
Saturday, December 6, 2008
A Great Cloud of Witnesses
There are many who say that the Book of Acts is still being written today. I personally believe that so is Hebrews 11.
This chapter begins with, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Then follows a lengthy list of people who stood in faith, despite incredible odds, believing what God had said. The Faith Hall of Fame begins with Abel and includes Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Moses David, and Samuel, among others. Each one is remembered for standing in faith while facing daunting circumstances. Everyone of them had to put "feet to their faith" by trusting God as they fought battles, faced torture, or just lived day to day while waiting to see the promise of God fulfilled.
Faith is always tested and perfected in the dark. It may be the dark of circumstances, or the dark of loss, or just the dark of not seeing what we want to see. I don't think faith ever comes easily.
Those who speak glibly of the ease of faith have usually not been tested in it. Sometimes they remind me of my early days as a labor and delivery nurse. I had not yet had a baby of my own and it was easy for me to refer to "discomfort" when talking with a patient about labor. When I had my first child, I discovered the depth of "discomfort" that labor brings. After that I approached labor and delivery quite differently when working with patients. Experience taught me that talk is cheap and easy if we haven't been tested in an area.
Those who walk in faith through hard times and circumstances come to know the true depth of believing God against all odds. God pours out an amazing grace on those who choose to stand in faith. His grace makes it possible to weather the circumstances and keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.
Those who watch do not have that grace. I remember what Corrie ten Boom shared in one of her books. Her family was hiding Jews in their home and she had asked her father how they would be able to face what the Natzis would do to them if they were ever caught. Her father told her that when they rode the train, they always got their ticket just before they got on. He said that God would give them the ticket (the grace) to face it when the time came. Her testimony reflected how very powerful that grace was in the hour it was needed.
Too many people today believe that grace gives us the freedom to do what we want. They remind us that we are under grace and not the law when they choose to do something contrary to the Word of God. I believe that grace gives us the courage and ability to do what is required of us, even when it is not easy. Grace enables us to follow the Word of God and trust the Lord in the darkest of circumstances.
Those who watch you stand and believe God for the healing of your marriage do not have the grace to do what you are doing. They may tell you to forget about your spouse and just get on with your life. This counsel probably comes out of their love for you or because they feel sorry for you. They see only the painful circumstances and want to spare you the hurt.
You cannot expect them to understand what you know in your heart. Understand that they love you and just love them back. Don't be discouraged by their desire to remove you from a place of faith. Hebrews 12 begins with this amazing statement, "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses..." That cloud of witnesses is all those who have gone before us and stood in faith! All those listed in Hebrews 11 are witnesses to what you are doing in this hour. Just think of that. Abraham, Sarah, Moses, and David are watching you and cheering you on in faith!
Hebrews 12 continues, "...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Not only do you have a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on, but you have Jesus as your example. He endured the cross with all its shame and pain because of the joy that was set before Him. He now sits at the right Hand of God, encouraging you through pain and shame to see the joy that is now set before you.
There is a joy that comes from knowing what God wants to do. Remember that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. When you can see it in the spirit long before you see it in the natural, joy will follow. And God's grace will carry you through the dark times. - Marilyn
"Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. " Hebrews 12:12
"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:11
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
He Won't Let You Down
Times are tough. There's no way around it. Prices are up and even essentials are a challenge to buy. Our children are grown now and sometimes when I am in the grocery store realizing how much we spend for just two people, I wonder how people with children can even afford to feed them.
What do you do when there seems to be no provision for you or your family? How do you pray? What do you believe God to do?
One day while we were praying over some things the Lord had spoken to us in the ministry, God began to speak to us about the word provision. The prefix pro means for so provision means for the vision. The Lord began to show us that He provides specifically to fulfill the visions He gives. We began to realize that day why without a vision, the people perish. If you have no vision, you have no way of seeking provision. If you have a vision, then you pray specifically for what is needed to see it come to pass.
Do you have a vision of your future? Are you just moving from day to day or do you know what God has spoken to you about the future? When God has spoken His vision to you, the provision follows the vision.
Is your mind cluttered with fear of disaster? Do you fear what tomorrow may bring? Do you envision the very worst? Is that what you are praying for God to bless?
Or have you spent time with the Lord and know you can trust Him to care for you and your family? Do you know what He plans for you? Do you trust Jeremiah 29:11? Are you waiting for your spouse to provide for you or do you know the Lord will do it?
One day years ago I was reading Genesis 24 when Abraham sent out his servant to find a bride for his son Isaac. When the servant arrived in the city of Nahor, he prayed that the Lord would send a woman to offer him a drink and then offer to water his camels. Rebekah was the young woman who did just that. After offering water to the servant, she watered all his camels.
Now camels that have been on a long journey are very thirsty. Rebekah had a pitcher with which she filled the trough from which the camels drank. Can you imagine how many trips that took and how much water she must have poured out for those camels?
God blessed Rebekah for her efforts. The servant gave her beautiful jewelry and took her back with him to become Isaac's wife. She became part of the lineage of Jesus. She was faithful and God gave her what she needed. What if He had blessed her back with what she gave out? Just think of all the water that would have poured into her life!
But Rebekah didn't need water. God knew what she needed and He provided for her. Many times God asks us to pour out into the lives of others in an area where we have absolutely no need and then He pours back into our lives in the area where our need exists.
What if Rebekah had been praying for a husband and that day instead of going to the well, she had stayed home concentrating on her own need. By focusing on herself she would have missed the answer to her prayer.
God is responsible to meet your needs. He has promised He would. (Philippians 4:19) What you are responsible to do is to minister to others in His name. If you put your life on hold and focus only on what you need, you may miss the provision of the Lord.
In the early days of the ministry we were just learning to step out and obey the Lord. A woman who was standing for her marriage asked us to go to her home to pray with her. We had no money and were glad we had enough gas in our car that we didn't have to buy any. We spent several hours with her and watched the Lord take her from the depths of despair to a place of hope and joy. She was moving to another city the next week and as we were leaving her home that day, she asked us if we could use some groceries that she couldn't take with her. Little did she know we had nothing in our cupboards and her offer was a true miracle to us!
But the miracle really happened when she opened a door that led to a large pantry with every shelf filled with groceries. "Please take it all, if you can," she said to us. "I can't move any of it and I will just be throwing it out if you don't take it."
She began to bring us grocery bags and we filled every one of them. That night as we drove home we were alternately crying and laughing and praising God the whole way. We had gone beyond ourselves to meet someone else's needs and God had poured His provision into our lives.
I don't know what God has planned for you or how He is going to do it in your life. I do know, though, that He can be trusted to care for you and your family. The more you can look beyond yourself and into the needs of others, the more you will see His blessing pour out into your life. The holidays are a good time to reach out to others in acts of service and love. What can you do to bless others at this time? What can you teach your children about serving others? These days may be tough, but they may also provide some of the precious lessons they will learn. - Marilyn
"I will abundantly bless her provision;I will satisfy her poor with bread. Psalm 132:15
"But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses..." 2 Corinthians 6:4
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
What Do You Do When You Think It's Your Fault
Sometimes individuals who want to stand for their marriage wonder if they can because of something they have done. Perhaps they have committed adultery or filed for divorce or been the abuser. Maybe that was you. And now the Lord has changed your heart and your life and you want to stand in the gap for your marriage. Yet since you blame yourself, you aren't sure if you can truly stand.
If you think about it, that's kind of like shooting yourself in the foot and then wondering if you can get medical care. Wouldn't it be sad to sit home and bleed to death because you felt you weren't qualified to ask for help?
That's how we are with the Lord sometimes. We make mistakes and then convince ourselves that what we have done disqualifies us from asking God for help. In fact, those are the very times when we most need to run to Him and cry out for His grace and mercy.
That's why we need Jesus. If we could fix things ourselves or if we never made mistakes or if we always did the right thing today so that tomorrow would have no problems, we wouldn't need His redemptive love and power. As it is, though, we take a lot of wrong turns in life and far too often only hindsight is 20/20.
The criminal on the cross said to Jesus, "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise." That is God's standard. Those who seek forgiveness, are granted full pardon. There is no longer any debt due to sin.
Are there still consequences in this world? Of course there are. You may be walking through some of the consequences of past decisions and actions right now. That doesn't mean, though, that you can't make godly decisions today that God will honor.
So if you made poor choices in the past, if you said or did things that you now regret, there is one simple solution. Repent! Ask God to forgive you and then repent also to those who were affected by what you said or did.
I remember when I was standing every time I lost my temper or did anything that was contrary to the Lord's direction for me, He would remind me to repent. That meant not only asking the Lord for forgiveness, but also going to Michael and asking his forgiveness. There were many times when I struggled with that. I had a hard time asking forgiveness of someone who said he didn't love me, didn't want me around, and was in open adultery with other women. I felt like my "little" sin wasn't much by comparison.
On top of that, Michael never received my repentance with any kind of loving acceptance. He would either make fun of me or just laugh in my face. I used to wonder why on earth the Lord would have me do something that seemed so lacking in meaning to my husband.
It wasn't until years later that Michael shared with me what happened to his heart every time I repented. He said it was the one thing that would break through his hard heart and cause him to feel sorrow. Although his outward reaction was always negative, each time I asked for his forgiveness, the Lord softened his heart a bit more. One day Michael was finally able to repent and receive the forgiveness of the Lord for his own life.
So no matter what you did yesterday or even today, the important thing is that you repent and receive the forgiveness of the Lord. He will then direct you as to what you need to do regarding others. Repentance keeps your heart soft and malleable on the potter's wheel. It also demonstrates the love and kindness of God to others. And it takes away the condemnation the enemy tries to bring when you stand strong in faith.
The next time the enemy reminds you of what you have done, just remind him of what Jesus has done. Then stand firm on the Word of God and believe He will do what He has promised! - Marilyn
"But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Matthew 9:13
"I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance." Luke 15:7
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps at 11:43 AM 0 comments
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Our Hearts Deceive Us
Last night I had a really tough discussion with our youngest son. He challenged me regarding my attitude toward a member of our family who has hurt me a lot in the past. I thought I had dealt with my issues and so I was a bit defensive (actually more than a bit) when he confronted me. He asked me if I thought that was the way Jesus would handle the situation. That only turned up the heart of my reaction.
At first I responded, "Well, who are you to talk. Here's what you have done with this person in the past. Your reaction was even worse than mine." He readily admitted it had been but then went on to share how Jesus had dealt with his heart and he had repented. His answer was, "Neither one of us was responding correctly, Mom."
When our hearts have been hurt, we can justify all kinds of words and reactions. I learned that long ago when I was standing, but that doesn't mean that I always recognize when I'm slipping back into that pattern. Sometimes it takes someone who really loves us to confront ungodly behavior in our lives. It was a hard conversation, but it was an honest one filled with love. In the end I knew he was right. I had given lip service to forgiveness, but I had hardened my heart against that person to protect myself from further hurt.
Jesus is the only one who can protect our hearts and keep them healthy at the same time. When we choose to protect ourselves, we can only do that by walling ourselves off from others.
I remember years ago during a counseling session the Lord showed me a line of weak little men dressed in underwear. Each one had a pie plate on his head for a helmet and carried a stick in one hand and a garbage can lid in the other. They were running frantically to and fro in a state of panic. I had to laugh at how inept they seemed.
I asked the Lord what on earth they were and I will always remember His reply. "They are the army you have established for your own to protection." That day I realize that compared to what Jesus had to offer, my own resources were pretty pathetic. And yet here I am today discovering that I was amassing that same debilitated group to once again protect my heart.
Hurts never stop in this life and the lessons we learn as we stand for our marriage can serve us again and again if we let them. As we talked last night, the pain of all that has happened with this person came flooding back to me. I realized that I had not taken it to Jesus, but had stored it away in my heart thinking there was nothing I could do to change things. And, in reality, there probably is nothing I can do to change things, but then why do I need to when Jesus is the one who does that best?
No other human being can ever truly understand the pain we each suffer. Others may have had similar experiences, but there really is no way to convey what we each uniquely feel as we experience trauma. In the end, though, it doesn't really matter because Jesus understands completely what we have experienced. Scripture tells, "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)
Often we think of being tempted to sin in association with lying or stealing or committing adultery, but is not the desire to strike back against those who have wounded us also a temptation? Isn't speaking evil of someone who has treated us poorly also sin? Isn't harboring unforgiveness and a desire for retaliation also sin?
Last night after my son and I finished talking, I talked with the Lord for a good while. He always tells us the truth when we are willing to listen. He showed me my heart and I realized that what my son had seen on the outside was only a symptom of what I was harboring on the inside. Out of the abundance of our heart our mouth speaks.
The holidays are an especially difficult time when we are standing. I pray today that you can take your hurt to Jesus. He knows what has happened and He knows what you have experienced. The condition of your heart can make or break this time, first for you and then for those around you. With Jesus there can truly be joy in the midst of pain, there can be healing in the midst of hurt. And I also pray that you have someone in your life who loves you enough to confront you when your reactions are not godly. It hurts to hear the truth sometimes, but if we are honest with ourselves and with the Lord, it can bring great healing. - Marilyn
"For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted." Hebrews 2:18
"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the LORD weighs the hearts." Proverbs 21:2
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
A Powerful Movie
Recently we went to see the movie Fireproof. I knew it was a movie about faithfulness in marriage, but I had no idea how anointed it would be. I don't want to reveal all the details in case you haven't seen it yet, but I would like to focus on a few powerful principles.
Because it is a movie, changes that may normally take a good deal longer are accomplished in a little over 40 days. So it is important to focus on the principles, not the time frame. God's principles never change and we need to give Him the time it takes to work those principles in our own life and the life of our spouse.
Knowing the movie was about marriage, I had expected to see some depiction of marital fidelity, but I was truly surprised by the layers of truth sandwiched throughout the movie. One of those surprises was the generational fruit of faithfulness. Each of the parents of the central characters had challenges in their own marriages. One dealt with physical incapacity and the other with enemy attack against their unity. Both sets of parents demonstrated covenant fidelity and, in a very powerful way, their faithfulness overflowed into the next generation.
Another interesting facet was the influence of friends in the lives of the husband and wife whose marriage was disintegrating. One had a strong friend who spoke life and encouragement, the other had friends who gossiped and spoke death. It was quite revealing to see how each spouse was influenced by those they chose as friends.
Perhaps, though, the most powerful principles of marriage healing (and strengthening) were seen in the actions undertaken by the spouse who chose to stand for his marriage. He began where most of us begin, being willing to change and do things differently in order to receive the reaction he wanted from his wife. When that reaction did not come, the true challenge of unconditional love began.
There are many other facets of the movie that bring forth scriptural truths, but I would like to focus at this time on unconditional love. Many of you have written and asked what exactly unconditional love is and how it is manifested. Some believe it is letting their spouse do whatever he or she wishes and not objecting. Others believe it is forgiving and going on as if nothing has happened. Others are completely confused somewhere between unconditional love and tough love.
Standing for our marriage certainly made me no expert on unconditional love. I made a lot of mistakes and did a lot of things wrong. I could so relate to the garbage can and baseball bat scene in the movie. Mine was glasses and a garage door. Anyway, back to the topic...
Jesus is our example of complete unconditional love. He gave His life for us, both in how He lived it and how He died. He stands with open arms ready to welcome the sinner. He remains faithful even when we are not. He forgives and restores. He has His priorities straight. He sees the beginning from the end and walks in faith regardless of circumtances.
Equally important, though, is what He is not and does not do. He does not compromise with sin. He does not play games or attempt to manipulate us. He gives us free choice and does not try to force His will upon us. Even when we choose poorly, He does not tell others what we have done. Instead He intercedes for us and does not give up on us.
So what does that mean when you are walking out unconditional love with your spouse? I remember years ago when I was studying to become a nurse. As we approached graduation many of us were concerned we had not done enough procedures. I remember our instructors telling us, "Learn the principle behind the action. If you know the principle, you can even invent a new procedure."
It was little comfort at the time but when I went to work after graduation I began to see what they were telling us. You can either be event based or principle based. If you are event based, you must learn what to do in each new event. That can cause great anxiety if you don't know what the next event will be. It is hard to always be prepared. If you are principle based, though, you can rely on the principle to carry you through any event. So, learn the principles of God's word and you will know what to do when a new event comes your way.
1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to begin learning the principles of unconditional love. I believe those verses can be summed up like this: I don't care how holy or righteous you think you are, if you aren't walking in love, your message stinks.
There was a season when I thought I was my husband's Holy Spirit and I let him know what God liked and didn't like about his actions. I felt justified because I was the Christian and I knew what God's word said. Then one day the Lord began to break my heart for my husband. Instead of seeing him from my point of view, I began to see him from God's. That day unconditional love began to grow in my heart.
I cannot tell you what to do in each situation you face with your spouse. All I can do is encourage you to know the principles of God's word. Giving your spouse everything he or she wants is not unconditional love. If your spouse is being led around by the enemy, what he or she wants is probably going to be perverted by that influence. Don't let the devil lead the parade. That is not unconditional love.
At the same time, don't stand in haughty self-righteousness and look down upon your spouse. Be led of the Holy Spirit. Spend time in prayer and in the Word and learn God's heart regarding the issues of life. Ask Him for help when you don't know what to do. Do as Jesus did and only do what the Father is doing. Each time you are faced with a decision regarding your spouse, go to the Lord and ask Him what to do. Don't react to pressure from your spouse or anyone else. Don't give in just to appease your spouse or anyone else. Walking in unconditional love means letting the One who is love rule and reign in your life.
No one on earth knows you as Jesus does. No one on earth knows your spouse as Jesus does. The Lord will direct your steps, He will give you the words you need, and He will help you cut through the myriad of circumstances to see things clearly from His point of view. He is the only one who can lead you consistently in unconditional love.
And if you haven't seen Fireproof yet, you really should. - Marilyn
But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. 1 john 2:5
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Sunday, November 16, 2008
How to Forgive
When the one you love most on the face of the earth, the one who has promised to live with you in the good and the bad times, the one for whom you have forsaken all others hurts you so deeply that you wonder if you can ever breathe again, how do you forgive?
Well, you can paste on your Christian smile and say, "I forgive" without ever dealing with the pain. Or you can wait until you feel like forgiving (once the pain is gone). Or you can ask God to miraculously change your heart and make you want to forgive. Or you can pray that your spouse will repent and ask you for forgiveness. Or you can simply be so immobilized by the pain that you can't do anything.
Or...
Once again it's time for honesty first. Sometimes Christians are afraid to admit negative feelings, especially anger. I've talked with people who have said that they didn't have any problem and were able to forgive their spouse right away. It sounds so good and I sure wish I could have done that, but forgiveness did not come easy for me.
At first I was devastated and so filled with pain I could hardly think. Then as the pain subsided, anger took its place. I was furious when I realized how I had been lied to and betrayed. I was angry that I was so helpless. I felt victimized and there was nothing I could do about it. And my husband was doing all kinds of things to get rid of me and all those things just made me angrier.
On top of all that, I felt like a terrible Christian because I was so angry. Instead of running to the Lord, I found myself avoiding Him because my heart was so filled with yuck. How silly we are sometimes. He knows me better than I know myself. I don't know what I thought I was keeping from Him.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I just got honest with Jesus. I poured out my pain and my anger. I argued scripture and heart motives and asked Him a thousand questions. Somewhere in all of that I began to learn to rest in Him. It wasn't quick and it wasn't easy, but when it finally began, I felt a huge burden lift from my shoulders.
I realized that Jesus was not judging me and I was not disappointing Him. He knew my heart and every rotten little thought I ever had, and He loved me anyway. Jesus has a wonderful way of accepting us just where we are and yet encouraging us to move on. Never condemning, just always encouraging on to higher ground.
Somewhere along the way He began to encourage me to forgive. It wasn't a demand; it was more of an opportunity. When we're honest with Him, He can be honest with us. The more I walked with Him, the more I wanted to be like Him. I knew that He had been tempted in every way as we are and He had chosen to love and to forgive. I knew that because He lived within me, it was possible for me to do the same. I just wasn't sure I wanted to. It was so much easier to pull out the list of wrongs and make demands about them.
You know Romans 2:4 says, "Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" It is the love and compassion of God that brings us close to Him. Jesus had compassion on Jerusalem and wept. God's compassion is overwhelming and when we are willing to let Him touch us with that compassion, we not only realize we must forgive, but we begin to learn how to do it.
God touched me with compassion for my husband. My eyes saw his sin and my ears heard his hateful words, but God's compassion showed me his heart. God's compassion overwhelmed my heart and I stopped weeping for myself and I wept for my husband. No matter what I was facing, I had life in Jesus. Nothing could separate me from the love of Christ (Romans 8:39). But my husband was walking in darkness. He had chosen to follow the enemy and was trapped in the enemy's snare. No one else on earth could pray for him like I could because God had made us one. I could either choose to recount what had happened to me or I could choose to become Michael's chief intercessor. When God's love and compassion overwhelm your heart, the choice is obvious.
I know that as the Lord began to lead me and guide me in the days that followed, the enemy must have regretted that he ever messed with us. I know I might never have prayed for my husband with the heart-felt compassion I did unless the enemy had taken him captive. I know my own heart might never have sought the depth of transformation I hungered for if I had not been faced with the crisis of our marriage.
Embrace the Lord today! He has so much for you and for your spouse. Don't let the enemy convince you that he is greater than the One within you. I made a decision one day that no demon was going to come into my home and dictate to me what was going to happen to our marriage and family. They are a defeated foe and they don't have the right to decide what happens to us. You are bought with a price and the One to whom you belong has greater plans for you than you can imagine. - Marilyn
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. 1 Corinthians 8:1
Monday, November 10, 2008
Is It Possible to Forgive?
Preaching on forgiveness creates memorable sermons. Living out forgiveness creates heart-changing character development.
Sometimes in scripture I love to see how the Holy Sprit has arranged the Word. In Matthew 18 Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" And Jesus answered, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." He then went on to share the parable of the servant who owed a huge debt to the king. When he couldn't pay it, the king decided to sell him and his family to clear the debt. The servant begged the king to forgive him and the king did. He released him from all responsibility for the debt.
Then that same servant went out and demanded payment from someone who owed him money. When the man couldn't pay, the wicked servant had him thrown into jail until the debt was paid. When the king heard of this, he was angry with the servant and turned him over to the torturers until he could pay his debt.
We all know the point of this story, God has forgiveness us everything and cleansed us with the blood of Jesus. Who are we then to hold the sin of another against that person? The point that really struck me, though, was that the next chapter, Matthew 19, begins with the Pharisees asking Jesus a question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" You think maybe there was a reason the Holy Spirit put that question right after a discussion on forgiving 70 X 7?
Marriage consistently affords us the opportunity to forgive. God designed marriage as a covenant relationship until death. That type of relationship is intended to afford covenant covering and safety so that we can grow together as one, honoring each other and forgiving each other when we fall short. Even the best of marriages is filled with both large and small moments of forgiveness potential. Forgiving and growing together go hand in hand.
The devil hates the unity that God gives us because he knows the power that God designed for the covenant of marriage. Our enemy realizes that couples who know who they are in Christ and who are united as one are unstoppable. So his one plan for marriage is to divide and conquer.
You have experienced his attack. His has brought division into your marriage. His plan is to have one spouse so wound the other that forgiveness seems impossible. If one spouse already has been convinced that healing is impossible, all the enemy can hope for is to convince the other spouse of the same thing. Unfortunately the Church supports this plan many times. The three major A's - adultery, abuse, and abandonment - are often accepted as reasons for divorce. All of these situations carry with them many consequences that I am not belittling, but I firmly believe that Jesus died to overcome them all. I also believe that the foundation to healing is forgiveness. If you try to build a house without a strong foundation, it will not stand.
I remember once at a meeting a woman came up for prayer afterward. She said she had been standing for 13 years. I asked her what had happened and she said, "Oh, that jerk never changed. I just gave up." She left pretty upset with me after I told her that she had probably wasted a lot of time. If her heart was still that angry and cold toward her husband, she never understood true forgiveness. There is no place for judgment in our hearts when we are standing.
I don't know what you have suffered. There are as many stories as there are marriages. I can only guess at the pain you have experienced. But really, it doesn't matter if I can understand it or not. What matters is Jesus knows and He is the only one who can bring you healing. He knows betrayal in the name of love.
The night He was taken in the Garden, He was betrayed with a kiss. Judas made a public show of affection that was really betrayal of intimacy and was intended to destroy relationship. At a time when Jesus was crying out to the Father for strength, the enemy came in through one He loved. Yet, even knowing that Judas was going to betray Him, just hours earlier Jesus had honored him and blessed him as they ate together.
If you have received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He lives in you and that same love is within you today. Draw on it in this hour. Our own hearts can justify a lot of things when we have been hurt. Only Jesus can bring His perspective and soften our hearts with His love. Talk to Him now, not with a laundry list of what has happened. He already knows it all. Just get close to Him and let Him love you. Let Him melt your heart with His compassion and tenderness. Forget what you should or shouldn't do or not do right now. Just receive that wonderful, life-changing love! - Marilyn
"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little" Luke 7:47
"Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" Luke 23:34
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps at 11:28 AM 0 comments
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Precious Moments When Standing
I remember the hard times, the loneliness, and the fear of standing for my marriage. There were no books then, no conventions, and no support groups. I didn't know a single person who ever stood for their marriage, much less anyone whose marriage had been healed. All those around me thought I had gone off the deep end. My family was supportive but neutral. It was very hard for them not to take sides but they worked hard not to.
I had one friend who believed in the power of the Word of God and had great faith. She would always caution me, though, not to get my hopes up. There were so many factors she would tell me and there was no guarantee that Michael would ever change his mind. One thing she did for me, though, was to always point me to the Word of God. She didn't have any answers for me, but she sure knew Who did!
There were some very precious times during those days as well. The tender, sweet miracles of God that we only see in times of desperation were frequent in those days. After my heart was healed, I wept more in joy than I did in sorrow. I watched God perform so many wondrous things on my behalf.
I remember one day when Michael had been to our home and had said some really hard things to me. He was trying to get me to divorce him because his lawyer had told him it would be better if I initiated the divorce. In his efforts to drive me away, he had decided to cut off all financial support for me and our children. After he made the announcement and left, I sat down in my favorite kitchen chair and began talking to the Lord. I was terrified. I didn't know how I would feed and clothe our children. I didn't know how I would pay the bills. I cried out to Lord to help my faith because I was filled with doubt and unbelief that even He could overcome such a challenge to our family.
As I sat praying, suddenly a bird flew into the kitchen window and fell on our deck. I went out to see what shape it was in and I realized it was dead. I had never seen a bird like that before. We lived in the mountains and there were many birds in our area, but this one was new to me. Later in the day our neighbor identified the bird as a quail. I didn't even know we had quail in Colorado.
That afternoon as I was talking with the Lord, He reminded me of the bird. "Don't you think I can feed you and your children?" He asked me. I realized that day that He would indeed care for us even if it meant sending food flying into our window. He proved Himself faithful during the years that followed. We never lacked for food or clothing or other needs. He even worked on Michael's heart and caused him to once again begin giving us money. That lesson still stands firm in my heart today. I know that no matter what tomorrow holds, God will be with us and will care for us. He will never leave us or forsake us.
Another wonderful miracle from that season in our life happened one spring. Our daughter needed a new pair of dress shoes. She loved black paten leather but because she had such a narrow foot, we had to buy specialty shoes that cost over $30. I had $5.00 and a coupon for $2.00 off as we headed to the shoe store. I explained to her that this time we had to buy a different type of shoe because we could not afford the shoes she loved. By then my children were learning to stand in faith as well and she said to me, "No, Mommy, I asked Jesus for my shinny black shoes and He said I can have them." I didn't want to crush her faith, but I doubted we would ever find those shoes at a cheaper price. They were never on sale.
When we got to the store, she headed straight for the paten leather shoes and, as usual, her size was over $30. Then we headed to the sale rack to see what we could afford. On the lower rack was a pair of black paten leather shoes. I figured they weren't narrow enough since they were on sale. Also, they were two sizes too small for her. As I looked for other shoes, she picked up the paten leathers and said, "Mommy, these are my shoes." I tried to explain to her that they weren't the right size, but she kept insisting they were hers. After I had showed her several other pairs that I could afford, she burst into tears. "Mommy, why won't you let me try these on? They are mine!"
Finally, I gave in. I thought once she realized they were no where near her size, she would give up and let me find another pair. As I slipped them on her feet, I realized they fit her perfectly. They were her size and they were narrow. "I told you Jesus said He would have shoes for me," she said, smiling through her tears. By then I was crying too. The price tag was $5.00 and with my coupon, they were $3.00. When we left the store, Cristine was carrying her prized shoes and I still had money in my pocket.
God truly loves us and has promised He will meet our needs! As you walk with Him and experience His tender care, rejoice in those sweet moments that only He can give you. Keep your eyes on Him, the Author and Finisher of your faith! - Marilyn
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" Philippians 4:12
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work" 2 Corinthians 9:8
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Making A Choice
When my husband told me that he was divorcing me to marry my best friend, the bottom dropped out of my world. His words tore my heart out and left me feeling worthless and insignificant. I never imagined that the person I love most on the face of this earth would reject me so violently and speak so many words of shame and anger toward me.
I just knew there had to be an answer somewhere, but our pastor reasoned with me that if Michael didn't want the marriage, there was nothing I could do. The counselors I sought out confirmed his declaration and added that I must have pretty low self esteem to want a man who so obviously didn't want me.
We had two children and a third on the way. I didn't know what to do. I tried to pray, but words failed me. I had walked in relationship with Jesus for a little less than two years at that time and had never really faced a major crisis. I hurt too much to think beyond the moment and I wasn't even sure what I should ask God to do. Finally I accepted the inevitable and began to prepare for divorce.
With a focus at last in mind, I asked the Lord what my next step should be. He led me to a scripture, "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" 1 Corinthians 7:10,11.
That scripture astounded me. My pastor and the counselors had all given me many scriptures that assured me divorce was God's plan for us. They had even told me God had a better husband waiting. Now the Lord was telling me to reconcile or remain single. How could He possibly say that knowing my circumstances? My husband was in adultery. That gave me scriptural grounds for divorce and freedom to remarry. I argued all these points in my heart as I sought to understand the scripture the Lord had showed me.
Again and again the Lord patiently led me back to 1 Corinthians 7:10 and 11. He made it clear to me that was His standard. He also made it clear to me that day that either one of those choices would bring me joy. If I chose to remain single, He would be my husband and father to my children. I knew He would care for me better than any earthly man ever could.
He also made it clear that if I chose to reconcile, He would be the one who would accomplish it. It was not up to me or my "perfection" to see it done. That was a relief to me since I already knew how futile my own efforts had been.
I didn't really know which choice was better. I had been hurt so much by my husband's actions and words and I didn't know if reconciling with him was such a good idea. I also didn't know if remaining single was really the desire of my heart. For a long time I just sat in the presence of the Lord, feeling His love and unconditional acceptance of me. I alternated between crying out from the depth of my pain and just breathing in His healing life.
Finally I asked Him, "Lord, if I choose to reconcile, how will that happen? My husband seems to hate me and wants nothing to do with me. How could our marriage ever be whole again?"
Have you ever felt the overwhelming power of God in your life? I felt it that day. At that moment I knew that God could do anything. I said, "Okay, Lord. I want to reconcile. Teach me what to do."
How simple that prayer was and how vast was the answer that came over the next several years. I often think in steps (step 1, step 2, etc.) I was waiting for God to give me His three-step plan to reconciliation. I was sure that much of it had to do with fixing up Michael and I was eager to get started. The sooner he was in shape, the better. How little did I realize that day of what God had in mind. - Marilyn
"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live" Deuteronomy 30:19
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Sunday, October 12, 2008
What Should I Do?
If there is one question that I am asked most often, it is "What should I do?" In a variety of situations and circumstances, those who are standing for their marriage want to do the correct thing in light of what they are facing. The only problem with the question is that it puts the cart before the horse.
Knowing what to do comes from hearing the voice of the Lord. Doing what is right is simply obeying what He tells you to do. So, the first step must be developing a strong relationship with Jesus. The pain, the shame, the anger, the despair--the myriad of emotions that flood your life when your spouse makes it clear that he or she no longer wants the marriage can send you into an emotional tailspin that makes clear decision making almost impossible.
Some people react by wanting to do anything to make the marriage work. Others are in such pain that they can hardly function. Others react in anger and retaliation. Others begin to put impossible demands on themselves, placing the total responsibility for the healing of their marriage on their own actions and words.
In the early days of my stand for our marriage, one of my favorite scriptures was a prophecy that was spoken about Jesus in Isaiah and then repeated in Matthew, "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory." That scripture spoke to me of the gentleness of Jesus when it comes to the broken heart. He knew my heart and He loved me and wanted the best for me. Initially I went to Him and just cried out my pain. He was there and He was loving and accepting.
The wonderful thing about Jesus is that He can make it clear He understands our pain completely and yet He still makes it clear that He loves the one who hurt us as well. That balance helped me get past the early days of pain. Jesus wasn't taking sides. His love for me was strong and steady but His love for my husband was equally strong. He bound up my wounds and began healing my heart. It was a slow process, not because of Jesus but because I fell back so easily into pain and sorrow. It took a long time for me to reach the point where I was able to move forward with the Lord. He was patient and He never crushed the bruised reed. His Word brought healing to my heart and mind.
As I began to heal, the Lord began to speak to me through His Word regarding what to do next. His Word needs to be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path (Psalm 119:105). A lamp shines brightly in a small area. God's Word will show you where to place your feet, where to go and what to do. His Word will give you clarity for the next steps to take. And His Word is a light to your path. That light shines farther and clarifies the long-term direction you need to take. Developing a close relationship with the Lord and spending time with Him in the Word will be key to your healing and the steps you need to take next.
Without that close relationship with Jesus, your decisions will be based on emotions and circumstances. You will feel pressured by time and will be tempted to set deadlines and give ultimatums. Your number one goal at this time must be to develop that relationship. Be honest with Him. Don't go all holy and pretend that you are doing fine. Pour out your hurt, your anger, and your pain to Him. He's not afraid of your emotions and being honest with Him will not "ruin" your chances for marriage healing. There were days when I would tell Him, "Lord, I really hate my husband right now but I know You love him with an everlasting love. Please love Him through me today because I have nothing to give." He was faithful and He met me where I was.
These steps are critical. If you don't get honest with the Lord, you won't be honest with yourself. You won't be open to the Lord speaking to those areas of your own heart where you need to change. If you don't allow Him to heal the very depths of your heart, you will continue to react out of emotion and fear
Standing for your marriage is not walking in perfection. It is not doing and saying all the right things. It is clearly hearing the voice of the Lord and being obedient to do what He speaks to you. Take this time to fall so deeply in love with Him that nothing else matters. Develop such a strong relationship with Him that He fills every area of your life. Don't put your life on hold. Begin serving the Lord powerfully and minister into the lives of others with all that He pours into your life. - Marilyn
"But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him" 1 John 2:5
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-8
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
What Is Standing?
What does it mean to stand for your marriage? Some say it is a tremendous act of faith. Others say it is foolishness. Still others say it is witchcraft. I say it is one of the most significant things a person can do in a lifetime.
When God began to lead me in the stand for our marriage, I thought I was all about my husband getting out of sin and returning home. I figured whatever it took to make that happen was worth it. I had no idea what God had in mind.
First of all, standing for your marriage has to come out of obedience to the Lord. It can't be based on how much you love your spouse. Love can turn to hate very quickly. Feelings are very fickle. It can't be based on loneliness or need. Only the Lord can fulfill us and meet all our needs. No human being should be expected to do that for us. It can't be based on guilt or sorrow either. Regretting what has happened in the past is no foundation for the future. If any of these things are motivating you, release them all to the Lord right now.
When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water, he wanted to join Him. Jesus gave him a word, "Come," and Peter walked on the strength of that word. You are probably in a very grave storm right now and your marriage is in peril. There are many more storms to come and if you are going to walk on the water, if you are going to stand for your marriage, you must have a word from the Lord upon which to walk.
Someone else's faith can't do it for you. Someone else's testimony can't carry you through. Emotions and resolve won't hold you up as the wind rises and the waves crash. You must know what the Lord has spoken to you and that is the word that will carry you. God has promised that His word will not return to Him void, without accomplishing that for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11). You need the strength of His word to carry you.
When David returned to Ziklag and discovered that his family had been taken from him (1 Samuel 30), he asked the Lord, "Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?" One might ask why David would ask God such a question when the answer seems pretty obvious. David asked God because he wanted the word of the Lord to go before him as he fought for his family. He wanted to know in the heat of battle that God had sent him in pursuit. God told him, "Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all."
Another reason you need to hear what God says is that many other voices around you will be saying many things. Many will tell you what you are doing is foolish. Many will tell you that it will do no good. Many will ask you, as they did me, if you are really that desperate. They will tell you to get on with your life. If you don't know what God has said, then all voices will carry the same weight. To obey the Lord, you must know what He has told you. Then other voices will not be as strong.
So, where are you today? Maybe you are just beginning to face a marital crisis or maybe you have stood for some time now. Either way, do you know what God has said to you. Have you taken time to seek Him and ask Him for His word? Has God answered your question? Has He given you specific directions? Do you have His word upon which to walk? If not, you need to begin there today. Learning to hear His voice is the key to a strong stand. Learning to hear His voice is also so life-changing that you will never be the same again.
To this day I walk in a sweet relationship with the Lord that developed during the time of my stand. No one can shake that from my life. I hear His voice clearly and I easily sense His presence. Walking with Him is sweet. You can either look upon this time of your life as the biggest tragedy you have ever experienced or you can embrace this time as the sweetest school of the Spirit you will ever attend. The choice is yours and it begins with asking Him and then waiting for His answer to you. - Marilyn
"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand" Psalm 95:6,7.
"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me" John 10:27.
Posted by Marilyn Phillipps
Thursday, October 2, 2008
There Is Hope
Almost daily we receive contacts from around the world from those whose marriage is under attack. They are looking for answers, looking for someone to say there is hope.
Too many voices today proclaim the inevitability of the destruction of the family and home. Too many voices that should be proclaiming the power of God are giving far greater credit to the enemy. Too many hearts have grown sick as their hope has been deferred by those who believe there is nothing that can be done when the enemy attacks a marriage and home.
Almost thirty years ago the enemy attacked our marriage and family. He declared that our relationship was irrevocably broken and that there was nothing that could be done about it. Our pastor and several counselors agreed with him. We were counseled to get a quick divorce so that my husband could marry his new love. Of course, he would have to wait for her divorce to also be final for that to happen.
I couldn't find anyone who believed God could heal our marriage. There were no books to read or meetings to attend. All around me the voices seemed to shout defeat and loss, but within me One Voice spoke very clearly. Jesus assured me that it was not His desire for our marriage and family to be broken. His Word assured me that He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. He reminded me that He had come to destroy the works of the enemy. Why then should I believe the voice of the enemy? He is a defeated foe.
I then began a long journey with the Lord, one at first filled with much pain and sorrow but one that eventually brought me to a place of victory and joy.
I learned to enjoy His presence no matter what the circumstances. I learned to walk in the peace that passes all understanding. I learned that He is my provider and there is nothing that can separate me from His love.
If your marriage is under attack today, it is time to look to Him also. The world has no answers and can offer no permanent hope. Those who have seen you hurt will probably want to help save you from such a painful relationship. Many may think that someone else who will treat you better is the perfect answer to your current dilemma.
But if you are willing to be totally honest with yourself and with the Lord, this can be your greatest hour. It can be a season in which you learn to walk with your Lord in such a powerful way. It can be a season of healing and strengthening and victory.
Today I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much God loves me and how strong He is within me. I learned those lessons in the lonely, desperate hours of pain brought about by the enemy's attack on our marriage. I am sure for all eternity the enemy is going to wish he had left us alone. Instead of destroying our marriage and family, we learned how to fight him and how to walk in victory. Then we learned how to take that same victory to others.
So this is your blog. This is where I pray you find some answers to the questions that haunt you in this hour. This is where I pray you find courage and hope. Don't give up! God has a plan and the enemy is not stronger than it is. - Marilyn
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9
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