Wong and Karen

FROM SEPARATION AND PAIN TO ABUNDANT JOY

They were a separated couple when they attended the 2005 MFL class but were reunited again at the middle of the course.

Galatians 6:7-9 says

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Karen

Our marriage was tested when my husband's mother went for Heart By-pass. Our marriage was already in bad shape. We did not "leave and cleave" physically and spiritually. Just after his mother's operation, we had a huge row and I walked out with my kids devastated.

We realized our root cause of current problems like separation, devastation and sadness were due to the lack of sowing good seeds. Instead we had lots of bad seeds from the past.

For example, we did not have healthy boundary with Wong's family members, but allowed them to freely use guilt to manipulate us. We resorted to tearing down each other with harmful tactics like screaming, verbal abuse, emotional manipulation instead of building up with love, comfort, patience. For our marriage to be strong and happy, we MUST start to sow good seeds and diligently do damage control for bad crops that are already existent.

Taking this MFL course seriously and putting into practice everyday was a good seed. Many times, we had to sow in tears as in Psalm 126 because our kids were hurting due to our marital conflicts. It broke our hearts to realize their suffering was due our bad sowing. God honored our tiny good seeds that we managed to deliberately plant in the midst of our pain and separation.

He did not perform instant miracles but He worked on our hearts. He rewarded us with abundant harvest of JOY. My husband and I were reunited ever since Lesson 9. Now, although we are still not perfect, our marriage is stronger. I feel a genuine love given to my husband again and feel loved and cherished by him. Our kids are happy to see us holding hands.

While rejoicing the abundance of good harvest, we are aware of dangers of bad seeds. Those tiny bad seeds now and then like a short quarrel, a nasty word, a bad thought on my spouse, create great wrecks. Just on Sunday, my husband and I had strife in front of our kids over a very simple matter. Our first son cried a lot and we are still doing the damage control to assure him that Dad and Mommy love each other. We hope to be wiser next time. Rather than sowing a bad seed and cleaning up later, better sow lots of good seeds.

I was skeptical and not enthusiastic or expected much from MFL at the start. But I remembered a lady said confidently, "your marriage will be blessed and your children will be blessed after this fourteen week course" Now my husband and I are very glad to be a living testimony of God's blessings.

Wong

Through the course, we were helped to know that we were not alone in experiencing the transitional pains in moving from singlehood to couplehood. Sometimes, we felt it would be better off to be "apart" from each other, so that there would be less pain and strife in our lives. It did not help with "intrusive" and "controlling" parents and lots of stresses of work too.

I used to test my wife's patience (and vice versa) when we did not agree with each other on certain things. I would sulk and go into "Cold War" until she caved in. I would also use other manipulating methods like anger to intimidate, screaming matches and some times flying objects). I also used bribery like "Fine, if you don't let me buy this, then you can forget about that" Sometimes, I would do things in "secret" so that I won't be subject to my wife's nagging. Then when she found me out, I would say "I thought I told you already."

There were occasions when I did not want to eat at certain places but would just go along with my wife's decision. Then we would end up quarreling over the smallest things just because I was so frustrated.

All these issues caused a lot of strife. And when things did not work out, we blamed one another. Our kids were badly affected by the lack of peace in our home. Through the lesson on "Agreement", we learnt that we would be living in constant strife unless the two of us learn to live as one flesh and agree about things in life.

As such, we learnt to pray together and to open ourselves more to one another and to God. We learn to forgive and let God deal with our own lives rather than expect the other party to change first. We have come into agreement to submit the past hurts to God, and to abide by God's Word to live as one flesh, for better or for worse ... until death do us part.

We know it's still quite a way to go as life is a journey and we hope this will just be a stepping stone to better things to come.