Sek and Ros

FORGIVENESS

Sek and Ros are a hardworking couple with Sek a very dedicated teacher and Ros, a dedicated home maker. They graduated in the MFL Class 2002.

Sek

We have been married for 12 years. Looking back, we must say that though marriages are made in heaven, they can easily be broken down on earth. In the early years it was adapting to each other, in the latter years when the children came along, it was coping with each other. We had no role models to turn to or learn from. It was really "Trial & Error", lots of trials and lots of errors we must say. But through thick and thin, one thing we knew was that it was a covenant we had both made, and come what may, we have to honor it, at least for the sake of our kids.

Ros

At the beginning, it was easy for me to forgive all the time. It was my love for Sek that made it easy for me to freely forgive him. But as time went on, I could no longer love him unconditionally. There were too many things said that were hurtful and wounding yet very little effort was made to change for the better. It was the same old superficial promise of "I'm sorry, I'll not do it again". Enough was enough and there were many very heated exchanges, many times said right in front of our kids. This really confused them. Seeing our frustrations vented on each other and on our children with much unhappiness and unkindness caused even my son to think that it would be better off not to get married! The same time our own relationship with God had turned for the worse.

Sek

On Many occasions, I would come home from work tired and frustrated. I was struggling to cope with the demands of work and family. My job sapped most of my energy and the lethargy after work affected even the little time that I had with my family. There was hardly any time for myself or my wife. The little precious spare time was centered more on the children. I wanted to attend to their needs and keep them occupied with meaningful activities. There was also very little time or energy for God - no time to pray or read His Word. My excuse was "Oh, He understands." Instead of resting in Him, or taking time to be with Him or praying with my spouse, the little free time would be spent watching TV. There was hardly any meaningful time spent with each other, no more dates whatsoever like the good old days. Without me realizing it, I had taken Ros for granted and had totally ignored her. I expected her to understand me and know what I was going through at work. I had even accused her of being irresponsible. "Why don't you go and work and do your portion like every other woman! Look at them! They can juggle both work and family! That way our budget won't be so tight!" I would exclaim, only to realize a moment later my folly. We had already discussed and agreed upon before our children came along, that our children would be cared for by my wife, especially during their formative years.

Ros

Such words and accusations soon took a toll on me, confusing me and causing me to wonder if this marriage was a big mistake. I was unable to cope with the demands of the family, attending to the children's needs and my husband's needs. I was struggling daily to make the home a pleasant place and ensuring that there was always sumptuous food to be cooked daily. Mentally and emotionally I was breaking down. I had many thoughts of suicide but yet I remembered I vowed that I would turn to God to put my faith only in Him and to trust Him to do the impossible. I made a choice to forgive my husband again and again, in spite of all the hurtful remarks. Indeed our Lord Jesus intervened.

Sek

It was timely that the MFL course came along as I really wanted our marriage to work and remain beautiful just as it was when I first married Ros. God began to do a cleansing work in me. I was chastised and I turned to Him in repentance. I sought not only His forgiveness, but the forgiveness of my wife and children. Each class session was an enriching one. We were not only guided by His Word but by what the Holy Spirit was doing in each of our own lives and as a couple. The sharing not only helped us to learn from one another but drew us closer as we begin to understand ourselves and our experiences in each other. Glory to God!

Ros

God is truly great. He not only answers our prayers but He also meets all our needs. My husband is now more sensitive and caring. The Holy Spirit has taught him how to be a wonderful husband, father and friend as we work through God's truth in each of the lessons. We have also been blessed with the sharing of the other couples' ups and downs. So we are not the only ones in this journey. Healing is taking place as a result and we continue to heal even to this very day.

Sek

Our children have also been blessed. Now that we relate better as husband and wife, we are better able to relate with them.

Those who have been married long like us need some time out to rekindle the passion for each other as husband and wife and with the demands of life. Our marriages are meant to bring delight to our spouse and glory to God but Satan will do anything and everything to steal, kill and destroy it. Choose life and not death for your marriage.