Francis and Vivian

I LOST TRUST BUT GOD CAN HEAL MY MARRIAGE

Francis was not a committed Christian and Vivien was a pre-believer when they joined the MFL course in 2003. By the time they graduated they had come to know the new life in Jesus and are now active serving in church.

Francis

We have been married for13 years and have two boys, aged 9 years and 11 years. We thought that we are the only couple having marital problems. We quarreled often due to our different backgrounds. Every time we quarreled, I will be the first one to avoid further confrontations and remain silent. I thought silence is "golden". But the "golden" became noisier and noisier with the sounds of banging doors. We became very frustrated inside and did not understand why it was so.

Vivian

I came from a poor family in Malaysia. From young, I had a fear of being poor and therefore often felt insecure with worry. I also had feelings of rejection in me because my relatives and neighbors looked down on my family.

When I got married, I was hoping things will change for the better, but instead I got more problems. My husband and I would quarrel over small matters such as how to bring up the children, handling of money, parents-in-law etc. I became disappointed and slowly lost trust in my husband as the years went by. My marriage was full of problems as we could not communicate properly nor understand each other.

Within two years of my marriage, I discovered that my husband was not truthful about his financial standing, his age and the fact that he is a Christian. As a result, I did not have a good impression of Christians and I did not like to have anything to do with church or Christians. I felt cheated and was angry with my husband because he had hidden many important things from me. The trust in our relationship waned with time. We quarreled so often that in 2001; I decided to leave home and went back to Malaysia for one month. I spoke to my sister-in-law and discussed my fears and problems with her. She suggested that we should attend some marriage courses.

Francis

Since we needed help, we decided to find ways to strengthen our marriage. We attended courses and went for many counseling sessions. The real breakthrough started in early 2002 when we were invited to attend a special ‘Valentine Celebration' dinner in Raffles Town Club held by Marriage Ministries International (now 2=1 Marriage Ministries). We found out that we could join a 'Married for Life' class meant only for married couples. I was not a committed Christian then and was not sure if my wife would want to attend a marriage course based on Biblical principles.

Vivian

I enjoyed the Valentine Dinner and was very surprised to hear couples sharing their marital problems openly and how they overcame them. Thus I was very interested to find out what they learnt at the Married for Life© course.

At the 1st lesson, we learnt the meaning of covenant. Marriage is not a contract with limited liability, but a covenant with unlimited liability. Covenant relationship means we are joined as "one" and together we cherish, love, obey, and honor each other in good and bad times and till death we part. Only death can break the covenant. We also learnt that covenant is death to independent living. The "me" and "I" are no longer applicable, but it is now "we".

In my Chinese education, I always believe that marriage is "Gong Yi Er Zhong" (till death we part) but do not really understand its significance. Now I found the real meaning from Matthew 19:5-6 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

By Lesson 3, I realized that God loves me very much. Only God can heal my marriage. I needed God so I asked Jesus to come to my life and to change me. When my husband knew I accepted Christ, he also re-dedicated his life again during the course. I knew something happened spiritually in our marriage. We felt closer and united spiritually in our marriage.

Francis

I was afraid that my wife will not like the Bible based teachings during Lesson 1. On the way back after our first lesson, I asked my wife whether she is comfortable with the lesson being taught using the Bible and if she liked to continue on. Her response was "Why not!" The teaching is good for our marriage.

I felt happy and began to hope that we can rebuild our marriage with a strong solid foundation and to overcome all difficulties that we had encountered. This new foundation is going to be built between GOD and us since marriage is a covenant.

We were enriched and learnt many things like -

• Divorce is no longer in our dictionary and replaced that with covenant.


• Forgiveness for each other


• Doing things together as "WE" rather than individually


• Praying together as a couple and also with the children too.


• Agreement and transparency with each other on all the issues.


• Build back trust with each other.


• Understand our roles as a husband and wife.


• We now have a joint bank account.


• Knowing each other's love language help us to diffuse our problems.


• How to handle and show our love to our children.


• We can resolve issues with strong Bible principles as our marriage foundation

Vivian

Our marriage relationship began to improve. We began to communicate more when we were doing the homework together every week. I was also prayed for in a Ladies Encounter weekend and was delivered from past bondages and healed of many of my childhood hurts, rejections and fears. We began to learn to build love and trust between one another again. Now my husband knows how to show his love to me and I feel more secure in my marriage.

Francis

My children also became more secure and confident and they know how to forgive each other in their wrongdoings. They can see that we are happier parents with a purpose in our lives and we quarrel less.

Marriage cannot be taken for granted; it is a process where one must put time and effort to build it. God must be in the centre of our marriage for it to work. We have been enriched by God's words and are blessed in so many ways - physically, financially and spiritually. Last time the credit card companies chased me for not paying up their bills but now they chase me for signing on more credit cards with them. By God's grace I will have financial breakthrough in a few years time. With God's love, nothing is impossible. Love conquers everything.

To God be the glory for healing our marriage