Parenting

Ever felt that parenting is difficult? That some how you are just on a treadmill with no end in sight and no clearly defined destination? I do, often. But then I remind myself of a key point that I discovered when Lainey and I trained to teach the "Parents for Life" course. A key point that helped me keep parenting in context and helped me to decide which, of all the many, spinning plates is important to keep spinning. The key point is simple, as parents we are not called to raise godly children, we are called to raise godly adults.

The key point is simple, as parents we are not called to raise godly children! We called to raise godly adults.With this in mind I have been able to understand my goal in parenting. I'm not just here to provide a roof and food for my kids, but also an education that develops their character so that eventually they will be godly, trustworthy, moral individuals in this world. Through my parenting I can see that I have an opportunity to change some of what I see as being wrong in this world. I can affect bad moral principals and reduce the injustice I see around me by raising my children in a way that they become part of the solution rather than part of the problem for the next generation.

All of a sudden my parenting has gone beyond providing a better childhood for my children than I had, to developing my children into being better people than I ever was. Now I have a goal and a context for my parenting. I also have a measure to see if I have succeed as a parent.

Have you ever found yourself doing something pretty mundane but it triggers an unexpected emotion? I was shopping for the family in my usual auto-pilot mode when I discovered I had put five bread rolls instead of four into the bag. I suddenly realised that I was shopping for our daughter Beth who has just moved to Northern Ireland to study.

Standing in the supermarket with tears running down my face did not seem at all appropriate nor did it seem appropriate to cry about something so silly.  I realise however that grief comes part and parcel with the process of releasing our children into their destiny.

• Grief is a natural response to loss. We can feel guilty for grieving when we feel that we should be celebrating a success but the reality is that we feel loss when our loved ones move away.
• Grieving is personal. Each person has a different way in which they process grief, sometimes husbands and wives have conflicting beliefs on how to grieve, or whether to grieve at all. It is important to communicate how you feel and empathize with your spouse and how they are dealing with change.
• There is no normal timetable for grieving. Be patient with yourself and be patient with your spouse it can take time to come to terms with radical change within the home.
• Don’t allow your grief to become manipulative. It is important that the release of our children is healthy. They must be given the freedom to make choices based on the direction their life needs to take without having to worry about our emotional health.
• Give it to God. That doesn’t mean ignoring it. Acknowledge your grief and ask God for help as you transition into this new stage of parenting.
• Don’t let the pain of loss stop you from feeling. It is important not to build walls in your relationship with your children. Joy is an open door which welcomes our children back for visits, support, counsel and friendship.

God wants to give us the “oil of joy” instead of mourning. When we praise Him for the wonderful privilege of parenting He gives us joy as we release our children to Him.

Yesterday marked the end of another school year. We were waiting for the last day with almost as much enthusiasm as the kids.

1. We really like our kids and miss them when they are at school.
2. It is great being able to spend more time with them. We enjoy the fact that the evenings won’t be filled with extracurricular activities and homework in the summer.
3. We can enjoy a slower pace of life; no more 5:30am starts in the morning or races to the bus stop or last minute forms to be filled in.
4. We have time for conversations rather than headlines.
5. This is a time to build memories that the children will appreciate for years to come.

Many parents stress about school holidays. They declare that the kids drive them crazy. They rant that they will have to find things to entertain the kids. Which category do you fall into? If you fall into the stressed parent category take a few minutes to think about the positive side of having the kids at home.

If you are struggling to find anything positive try taking a Parents for Life course this summer. It will make the world of difference! Try approaching this summer with a different attitude. Your children are a gift!

Psalm 127:3 Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.