Godly Discipline Really Works

Now you’ve done it!  I will spank you so hard that you will never forget it, the angry parent yelled at the abused child.   Punishment purposes to hurt because of hurt or anger.  Too often, an angry or hurting parent uses punishment to ‘get back at’ a child.  Punishment actually becomes revenge.  Such reaction to a child’s misbehavior causes lasting harm to the child’s spirit both wounding and crushing a child’s spirit for the future.  The end result in the child will be rebellion.  That child will also grow into an adult parent who wounds and hurts his or her own children so that the pain or curse is passed on to the next generation.  Punishment provokes children to anger.

Col. 3:21 NKJV says:  Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Consistency

Say what you when and mean what you say.  If you promise to spank if the child disobeys another time, then spank if the child willfully disobeys.  How many times do you have to threaten before your child obeys?  How loud must you get before your child pays attention to you?  Children learn when their parents’ really mean it.  Because parents fail to follow their warnings with immediate correction, children learn to wait until the parent really means business.  You may be wasting valuable time and emotional energy with empty yelling and threatening.  Give a calm warning stating the reason for it, follow the warning with an announcement of the consequences if the child fails to obey, and if the child continues to disobey, then take immediate action by implementing the consequences.

No yelling, screaming or stern threats are needed.  The parent determines when a child will receive correction not the reverse.  Are you willing to take action after the first warning?  Start this process when a child is young and as he matures, he will know that your warnings are serious the first time.

Calm

Be calm instead of stormy in your discipline.  An emotional reaction or outburst instills fear instead of respect in a child.  Your discipline should communicate that you love a child; and because of your love, you are teaching through discipline.  An emotional reaction to a child’s misbehavior only leads a child to think that you do not love or care for them.

Don’t just emphasize what a child is doing wrong.  Focus on how the child can change both attitudes and actions in order to correct themselves.  Think about driving a car or riding a bike.  Both require steering and steering is comprised of constant correction.  Often the steering wheel or handlebars are only moved slightly.  But those constant corrections avoid wrecks.

No one wants their children to have wrecks.  As a result, we not only point out what’s wrong, but we also take the time and make the effort to teach what’s right. 

Remember, parental discipline done right takes both time and effort.  Parents who rush through parenting raise children who run away from responsibility and maturity.  Scripture instructs us:  He who receives correction is prudent.  (Psalm 15:5)

Correcting your child early in life prepares him or her for a future of being able to receive wisdom and correction from other authority figures.

Your relationship with your child is based on a covenant not a legal system.  Yes, covenants do set rules and establish boundaries.  But those rules and boundaries are to protect the child not to punish them.  Establish a loving covenant with your child so that your discipline happens within the context of relationship not legalism.  Covenant communicates the love of God to a child.  A child’s first picture of the Father is a parent.  Loving discipline teaches a child about the love of the Father (Deut. 6:5-9).  Try these practical steps:

Discipline to teach and correct, not to punish.

Be proactive with boundaries and consequences instead of reacting emotionally to a child’s misbehavior.

Say first what you plan to speak to a child when you are disciplining that child in front of a mirror.  Watch your facial expressions and listen closely to your tone of voice.  Do you look and sound like the Father or is your emotional flesh coming out against your child?

Remember, your desire to teach should always be greater than any desire to cause pain.

The goal of discipline is not punishment and pain but correction and teaching.  If your child keeps repeating the wrong behavior, that misbehavior could well be a reflection of your lack of proper teaching and correction.  Misbehaving children are more often a reflection of poor parenting than bad character.  Discipline is never easy or pleasant but it’s a necessary tool in helping your child mature into a man or woman of God.  Remember, you discipline just like the Lord – out of your love for that child.