God's Generational Plan for FamiliesThe Importance of Grand-parenting
“Grand-parenting is a wonderful idea from the very heart of God.”
In the past few years we have come to truly appreciate God's generational plan for family. It seems to us that it took growing older to get a bigger picture. When our children were young, we were struggling to survive. Our finances were a constant challenge and our marriage faced near destruction - it seemed there was always another crisis to be weathered. Somehow amidst the swirl of school activities and athletic events, in between the trips to the ER for stitches, and during the heartbreaks and emotional traumas of youth, our children grew up. We didn't have a particularly good plan for how that was going to happen. We just prayed and hoped for the best. Becoming grandparents, though, has given us a deep appreciation of what really matters in life and what will make no difference in twenty years or so. We've come to realize that we often majored in the minors when we were bringing up our children and consequently sometimes missed the point entirely.
Grand-parenting is a wonderful idea from the very heart of God. Somehow as we grow older, we begin to once again appreciate the world as seen through a child's eyes. Each new sunrise is a precious gift and every new day holds adventure and learning experiences. God gave grandparents extra time and an appreciation of how fast time passes so that we might enjoy today and look forward to the ones to come. Through the years we've discovered what's worth waiting for and what's best disregarded. We've learned that laundry will always be there, but windows of time to spend with a child pass quickly. We've learned to discern between a cranky child and a truly troubled one. We've come to understand that each child is unique and that one size doesn't fit all. Sure wish we'd known these things when we were parents.
Often as parents we confused control with discipline. We thought forcing our children to eat, to sleep, or to sit down and be quiet were things that would help them develop discipline. Yet making all the choices for them and then forcing them to obey did nothing to instill discipline. It only created a battle of wills. As grandparents, we now realize that giving children choices within boundaries is what helps them learn to make wise choices in their own lives. An important part of that training is experiencing the consequences of their decisions. That requires consistency and patience - two qualities we had very little of as parents but seem to have developed a great deal of as grandparents. It seems that God planned ahead and assigned a role for each generation to play in the life of a child. Grandparents are supplemental-second string, if you will. We're not parents and our role is not to interfere with parenting.
Coming alongside of parents
God intends for us to come along side and fill in the gaps, spend the time that parents may not have to give, sharing with parents the wisdom they may not have yet learned, and encouraging parents when we see them facing the same things we did as parents. Families today are scattered. Often grandparents live far away and don't see their grandchildren very often. Visits frequently are relegated to holidays and the depth of relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is many times lost in the chaos of a few hours spent together. Grandparents today are busy also. Unlike generations before us, we are remaining in the workplace far beyond what was once considered retirement age. In addition, many grandparents are mobile and travel frequently throughout the year. Our lifestyles are far from the quiet rocker on the front porch. Sometimes our grandchildren have to struggle to find time with us.
Yet this active lifestyle also provides ongoing vitality to keep up with our grandchildren. Computers, the Internet, and other modern conveniences can provide a common ground for interaction. One of our greatest joys was teaching our two-year-old grandson how to use the mouse so he could play connect the dots and fill in the boxes on a children's website. Older grandchildren can teach us as they learn to navigate the information highway. They can keep us currentand we can help protect them. Growing older today doesn't have to mean being out of touch.
We once saw a bumper sticker that read. “If I’d known that being a grandparent was this much fun, I’d have done it first.” How true and yet how impossible! The truth is parenting prepares us for grand-parenting. The tough decisions, the hours in prayer, the laughter, the tears, and the learning as we go all brought us to this time in our lives when we can reap the harvest we have sown. And, as with any harvest, the return is so much greater than the initial investment. We can’t correct the mistakes we made with our children and we can’t make up to them what may have been lacking in our parenting. We have to trust the Lord to do that. We can, though, enjoy the new generation He has given us and make the most of our second chance to sow into the lives of children. We now have so much more to invest and have gained a deeper appreciation of the potential return on our investment.
It’s never too late to get involved in the lives of your grandchildren. It may take extra effort and a willingness to try new things. It may take you out of your comfort zone but the reward is so much greater than the risk. It may bring up hurts in the lives of your own children that need to be resolved. That’s okay. God is working generationally in families and, if you are willing, you will see miracles in your lifetime! One thing is for sure – God has a plan and a purpose for your lives as grandparents. Go for it!
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