Do Your Children Misbehave in Public ?Beyond survival mode with small children at the store
Taking my two young children out in public used to be a nightmare! It was something I would do anything to avoid (like the times I grocery shopped at 1:00 AM while my husband and kids slept peacefully at home).
How embarrassing! Many outings found me at the cash register ready to rip my hair out. Usually I chased my six year old around the store. Trying to keep his hands off everything was impossible. If I let him push the cart he would knock over countless displays and countless fellow shoppers. Letting him "run the aisle" meant smashed jars of pickles, a couple of falls over untied shoe laces, and even an occasional fit thrown right there on the floor in front of the entire world. On the other hand, my two year old always sported a dirty diaper, a dirty face smeared with whatever snack I could find and open for him in the store. He would usually be crying and ready for a long overdue nap. It never failed that I would spend two hours in the store, then get to the register and not have my checkbook!
Needless to say, I had a horrible attitude over going anywhere with my kids, and boy did it show. In order to "control" my kids, I shot them countless dirty looks, and used every threat known to mankind, including leaving my kids at the store FOREVER.
Reaching the end of my rope! During one really bad trip to the mall, I hit rock bottom after a stranger came over and asked if she could help me while she witnessed my six year old running towards the escalators as I frantically cleaned throw-up off the floor from my two year old. At that moment I saw clearly that something needed to change because I was going to have to be in public with my kids for years to come, and at that moment I didn't think I would survive one more minute. So, after much prayer, I made some embarrassing phone calls to Christian friends admitting how out of control things were, and they gave some invaluable wisdom on steps I could take to make life more pleasant when I stepped out of my house with my children in tow:
Get organized – plan ahead – be proactive! Better planning made a world of difference. I started to schedule my outings around my kid’s schedule. I took them out after naps and snacks. And I reorganized my baby bag filling it with non perishable snacks and juice boxes, changes of clothes for the kids, as well as a spare key and a spare checkbook.
Retrain their behavior. I actually had to focus on re-training my kids, and myself, because I had never nipped the problem in the bud when it began. Before leaving the car on each outing, I made clear to both of my kids my expectation. How were they to know what I wanted from them if I never told them? Explain the discipline and consequences in advance. Then, I outlined the consequence. The moment there was a deviation from my expectations, we would leave the store at that moment, go home, and have discipline. Now this may seen inconvenient, and it is in some ways, but in my experience, this only happens once or twice! Because I was so consistent, my kids learned that what mommy says is law, and there aren’t second, third and fourth chances. The days of the dirty looks and idle threats were gone!
Make things fun. I got my six year old involved in eye-spy games, or got him to help me find items at the store. I brought a snack for my baby and a small book or toy to keep him occupied, and because he was well rested and clean, he was much more content while shopping. To reward my kids’ efforts, I began a positive reinforcement chart with a sticker for each successful trip out. For every ten stickers my kids get a reward, and boy does that motivate them! Now going out with my boys is much more relaxed and fun. Things aren’t always perfect, but with my “system” in place, I can actually get things accomplished while enjoying time with my children.
Extract from 2=1's Legacy Magazine
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