Biblical Foundations for Blended FamiliesGetting beyond excuses and getting it right.
My teenage step-daughter is taking control of my home. She has her father wrapped around her little finger. She sets her own rules and trashes my house. What am I to do?
This problem didn't start with the step-daughter moving in with her father. It started years ago with wrong decisions about family and marriage. As a result, negative consequences have entered into both the biological and step-parent relationship.
Blended families will have parenting issues resulting from the negative emotions released as a result of divorce or death. Truthfully, death is a more straightforward transition than divorce. In death, an ongoing relationship with a biological parent is ended and the new parent moves into the parenting role that has been vacated.
The grief of a child will involve various stages of anger, resentment, loneliness, sadness, denial and hopefully acceptance. The new step-parent will need to understand, work through and build a relationship with the step-child. The age of the child can significantly impact how smoothly a transition may happen.
Realizing these factors, we must start with the foundations in order to build toward a future filled with blessing and God's destiny for blended families. ‘We know that if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? From Psalm 11:3-4.' So, what are the foundations for parenting on which a blended family builds?
Biblical foundations for blended families - too often, we yield to the temptation to start with circumstances instead of truth and with rationales instead of revelation. We often make excuses for problems in our blended families based on past hurts and brokenness. Especially in blended families facing the aftermath of the tough consequences which follow a divorce, we want to explain away parenting problems with a series of but's:
 But what about the rights of the biological parent?
But what about the abuses of the past?
But what about who was right or wrong in getting the divorce?
But what about the attitude of the wounded, hurting child?
But what about the negative behaviors and words of the ‘ex'?
But...
Actually the biblical foundations and truths upon which a blended family builds for parenting are much the same as those for a biological, nuclear family that has not experienced separation, divorce or death. Solid foundations are not affected by circumstances. Just as a sure building foundation stands fast in the midst of a storm, so a family foundation built on biblical truth can stand fast in the midst of relational whirlwinds.
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