4 Steps to Defeat the Enemy's Attack on Your Blended Family

Ever felt that your blended family is being attacked? Here are 4 simple things you can do as a couple to improve family life, help your marriage and bring health to family relationships.

1.  Share positive affirmation. In addition, an abundance of tension and conflict in a blended family can draw the couple’s attention away from nurturing and loving each other. The focus of their conversations can easily become a problem-centered, reactive and negative. That ratio is essential to the success of a long-term marriage. When we are experiencing our partner’s positive attention, affirmation and affection, it is easier to put forth the effort and understand their point of view.
2. Leave behind the negative. It is essential that the majority of the converstaions are not repetitive disagreements or complaining about ex-spouses, children's problems or their different parental expectations. With so many demands and problems, a couple can easily loose sight of blessing and encouraging each other. When stepfamilies are struggling there is almost always a weak marital relationship.
   
    
3.  Form realistic expectations. Expectations that the new blended family will quickly gel and the children will see and accept the benefits of the new family are very unrealistic. They may initially be positive because their parent is happier, but when they have to accept unwanted changes, feelings of anger arise. Division between biological and step relationships makes establishing a united parental team more difficult. Patterns that are already well entrenched between the biological parent and children are resistant to change. It is essential that the parents privately establish rules and expectations as well as the consequences that will be applied to the children.
   
4. Agree together on God’s plan for parenting all your children. If the rules and consequences are not uniformly applied, the stepfamily division will persist and get worse. This will take deliberate Bible study, worship, prayer and discussions to accomplish the new blended family parenting plan. This plan should draw elements from the previous practices of each biological family. If it is difficult to reach agreement, then outside help is essential.
   
   Tom and Donna Jacobs with daughter, Megan, live outside of Chicago, IL and are a blended family. Tom is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Donna Jacobs is a RN, LNP.  

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